Earlier this week the University’s women’s tree-climbing team decided to pay a secret visit to the lair of their nemesis, the men’s bobsledding team, after hearing rumors about slanderous “locker room talk.” The two teams have been sworn enemies after only three of the seven tree-climbing team members showed up to their inter-team mixer last year.

“We never really knew what locker room talk actually was, but apparently it’s used as an excuse for the dumb things men say, so we figured we’d find out what these [expletives] are really saying about us,” tree-climbing team captain Kelly SouthCampus3 said.

All seven women of the tree-climbing team snuck into the bobsledding team’s locker room and hid behind one of the giant University bobsleds. When we asked the women what they overheard during their mission, they seemed to be disappointed by their findings.

“We thought we were going to hear some really hard-hitting disses, but what they said in the locker room was really just a bunch of their dumb thoughts,” the team said.

A few of the things the women cited the bobsledding team saying in their locker room were:

“Do you think puppies know that they’re cute?”

“Come on man, don’t gender my beer! Bud Light Lime is refreshing!”

“You know, if you think about it dude, time is but a flat circle.”

Alas, the findings of the women’s tree-climbing team have proven that locker room talk has no correlation to the locker room, and is really just a term used to describe offensive or sexist comments.