“I mean, I’m not trying to blacklist her, but she’s asking for it.”

“The Bison smoothies are, like, so mediocre.”

“I was late to my 9 a.m. because I was pooping for too long.”

“I just hope everyone knows I’m not a feminist.”

“I’m planning on taking our Friday mixer light because I wanna be blacked at Super.”

**A note from the satire editors: Most of the sh*t we put in this section is fake. However, these quotes are 100 percent true. Send the sh*t you “overherd” to [email protected] or [email protected]!