The weekly student newspaper of Bucknell University

The Bucknellian

OverHerd on campus

OverHerd on campus

Madeline Diamond & Courtney Wren, Senior Editor & Satire Editor
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.” “I left my Namaste bracelet at CrossFit.” “I mean, his reasoning made sense but also like not at all.” “I don’t want to go to this stupid thing even though there’s gonna be pizza there.” “Mayday, mayday it is co...

MGMT 101 student promises this is seriously the last survey ever guys and it will only take 1.2 seconds

MGMT 101 student promises this is seriously the last survey ever guys and it will only take 1.2 seconds

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire, Top Stories, Top Stories

Lewisburg, Pa.—Following his professor’s announcement that they really need to get more responses to their MGMT 101 survey, Hank Fitzgerald ’20 told reporters Thursday that he was really struggling to come up with new ways to trick people into taking his survey. Fitzgerald’s company is selling...

Young Love: 13 things you would rather do than text first

Young Love: 13 things you would rather do than text first

Madeleine Silva, Web Managing Editor
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire, Young Love

Go to Bertrand Library without headphones. Do all of your roommates’ laundry. Do your laundry. Attend the optional 7-10 p.m. Thursday night lecture on biomimicry. Say hello to everyone you know while walking across campus. Go to the gym. Go to the gym without headphones. ...

Type A students disturbed that Rooke Chapel bells are two minutes off

Type A students disturbed that Rooke Chapel bells are two minutes off

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire

After the recent renovation of the Rooke Chapel belfry, Type A students across campus have expressed their frustration that the bells, which are supposed to ring every 15 minutes starting at the top of the hour, are now approximately two minutes fast. “I’ll be walking to my 9 a.m class and...

Senior GDI goes to formals, told she’s actually ‘really chill’

Senior GDI goes to formals, told she’s actually ‘really chill’

Emma Sheehy, Contributing Writer
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire

At a university where many students’ identities are defined by two or three Greek letters, the social order came to a screeching halt last March 25 when JoJo “GDI” Coleman ’17 was seen at a downtown fraternity event. After a fellow classmate set her up on a blind date, Coleman made the...

The List: High maintenance Starbucks orders

The List: High maintenance Starbucks orders

Madeline Diamond & Courtney Wren, Senior Editor & Satire Editor
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

A black coffee with light ice Medium iced coffee with skim milk Skinny sugar-free vanilla latte Skinny sugar-free caramel swirl iced coffee with two Splenda An iced chai with soy milk and light ice A coldbrew with almond milk Venti skinny peppermint moc...

Student parks in 15-minute parking indefinitely because rules don’t apply to them

Student parks in 15-minute parking indefinitely because rules don’t apply to them

Courtney Wren, Satire Editor
March 9, 2017
Filed under Satire, Top Stories, Top Stories

Following the discovery of a ticket on her car parked in 15-minute parking, Lauren Lowry-House ’17 told reporters on March 7 that she was surprised she got a ticket because she genuinely thought the rules didn’t apply to her. “I had to park there—it was 10:57 and I didn’t see any spots...

Senior student asked to apply to be an Orientation Assistant mortally offended

Senior student asked to apply to be an Orientation Assistant mortally offended

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor
March 9, 2017
Filed under Satire

The ELC Mall is usually filled with various student organizations tabling for events while passersby aggressively avoid eye contact. During the week of March 6, however, the gauntlet-like stretch was taken over by a sea of orange T-shirts, indicating that the deadline for Orientation Assistant (OA)...

Overherd on campus

Overherd on campus

Madeline Diamond & Courtney Wren, Senior Editor & Satire Editor
March 9, 2017
Filed under Satire

“Should I ‘finsta’ this or do you think his girlfriend would screenshot it?” “I don’t know if I should apply to be an OA, I’m not very social.” “I think he cares a lot about his hair, so I would gladly shave it off if I could.” “Does anything about me scream ‘chopped...

Senior English major takes lab science, realizes she has to ‘try’

Senior English major takes lab science, realizes she has to ‘try’

Emma Sheehy, Contributing Writer
March 9, 2017
Filed under Satire

The semester from hell finally happened for English major and arts and crafts minor Carly Trout ’17 when she was forced to face her lab science College Core Curriculum (CCC) requirement after years of convincing herself that she’ll “just do it later” and that “it can’t be that bad.” The...

The List: Better ways to spend spring break than going on a trip with 17 of your friends

March 9, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

1. Teach yourself how to knit via a YouTube tutorial. 2. Take your cat to the dentist. 3. Try to recreate Amami’s Sriracha mayonnaise. 4. Watch all 331 episodes of “ER.” 5. Memorize all the U.S. state capitals. 6. Take up juggling. 7. Rewrite the “interests” section of your resume. 8. Apply ...

Young Love: An open letter to that couple from freshman year

Madeleine Silva, Web Managing Editor
March 9, 2017
Filed under Satire, Young Love

I see you; we all see you. You’re that couple that created a relationship out of the hot muggy air that festered throughout New Student Orientation back in August. While the majority of students struggled to find even the bathroom, you two somehow managed to find love. That’s really great for...

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