The weekly student newspaper of Bucknell University

The Bucknellian

The List: Things to do instead of getting a summer job or internship

The List: Things to do instead of getting a summer job or internship

Madeline Diamond & Courtney Wren, Senior Editor & Satire Editor
April 20, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

1.Go to a ranch in Montana. Breed geckos. Perfect your own Amami sriracha mayo recipe. Reconnect with your best friend from elementary school. Teach yourself how to code. Knit a sweater for your mom. Go through every item in your local Forever 21’s clear...

The List: Other things that Sean Spicer thinks never happened

April 13, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

Dinosaurs The Great Depression “Hamilton: An American Musical” The Titanic (the actual event, not the movie) The WNBA The Boston Tea Party Sex for pleasure Darwinism Siamese twins Soft grunge The podcast industry The Hundred...

The List: Things that cost less than the University’s tuition for the 2017-18 year

Madeline Diamond & Courtney Wren, Senior Editor & Satire Editor
April 6, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

268,544 chicken nuggets from Wendy’s Lehigh’s tuition Almost four Volkswagen Jettas A down payment on a lovely home 161,126.4 multi-colored Sharpies 18,393 grande lattes from Starbucks 224 Apple Watches 50 Cancun spring breaks 10,707 packs of Neutrogena m...

The List: High maintenance Starbucks orders

The List: High maintenance Starbucks orders

Madeline Diamond & Courtney Wren, Senior Editor & Satire Editor
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

A black coffee with light ice Medium iced coffee with skim milk Skinny sugar-free vanilla latte Skinny sugar-free caramel swirl iced coffee with two Splenda An iced chai with soy milk and light ice A coldbrew with almond milk Venti skinny peppermint moc...

The List: Better ways to spend spring break than going on a trip with 17 of your friends

March 9, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

1. Teach yourself how to knit via a YouTube tutorial. 2. Take your cat to the dentist. 3. Try to recreate Amami’s Sriracha mayonnaise. 4. Watch all 331 episodes of “ER.” 5. Memorize all the U.S. state capitals. 6. Take up juggling. 7. Rewrite the “interests” section of your resume. 8. Apply ...

The List: Highly recommended ways to introduce yourself at a career fair

The List: Highly recommended ways to introduce yourself at a career fair

Madeline Diamond and Courtney Wren
March 2, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

Throw a paper airplane made from your resume across the room. Slip a $20 into their hands when you shake hands. Break into a four verse song explaining why you want to work there. Somersault up to the desired booth. Speak only in Pig Latin. Ask the company representative wh...

The List: 14 University-themed pickup lines that are guaranteed to never work

The List: 14 University-themed pickup lines that are guaranteed to never work

Lane Mayher, Contributing Writer
February 23, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

1. Want to go to the quiet section of the library and make some noise? 2. *Knocks on door* “RA on duty.” 3. Oh, you’re a first-year? We should go to Bostwick Marketplace. You could swipe me in. 4. Do you want me to press your Bison Wrap? 5. Are you in the KLARC? Because I want to see...

The List: 16 things to do instead of doing your homework

Courtney Wren and Madeline Diamond, Satire Editor and Senior Editor
February 16, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

Swiffer your entire apartment Passive-aggressively text your roommates about how you just swiffered the entire apartment Go to Sweet Frog and sample every flavor Watch the latest episode of “Dateline” Google notable inmates at the Lewisburg Penitentiary Reformat your resume De...

The List: Places to find love on campus

Madeline Diamond & Courtney Wren, Senior Editor & Satire Editor
February 9, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

SPE America The Goldman Sachs table at the career fair The lifeguard stand at TKE’s super The Bertrand Library printers The package line in the mail room The waiting room at Bucknell Student Health The religion department lounge in Coleman Hall Tabata class at the gym ...

The List: Things you lost and then posted about online that won’t be returned

Julia Friedman, Staff Writer
February 2, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

1. Your Illesteva Leonard Tortoise sunglasses. 2. Your Prada sunglasses.  They were a birthday gift. 3. Your other sunglasses. 4. Your insulated tumbler cup. 5. Your Beats by Dr. Dre headphones. 6. Your iPad Mini. 7. Your FENDI water pipe. 8. Your winter jacket, that was last seen in the microwave at the...

The List: Events with higher attendance than Trump’s inauguration

Courtney Wren & Madeline Diamond, Satire Editor & Senior Editor
January 26, 2017
Filed under Satire, The List

A middle school chorus concert The grand opening of the new Perkins in Lewisburg Any given performance of “Hamilton” The Hollywood premiere of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop” Amami on Sunday mornings A kindergarten graduation ceremony Sushihanna on Frid...

The List: Google search history of a college senior

Madeline Diamond, Senior Editor
December 1, 2016
Filed under Satire, The List

How to get a job Is it possible to take too much Advil? What does it mean if my pee is really yellow? What is “wealth management?” Do giraffes sleep standing up? Can you die from a hangover? Is it weird to want to be alone all the time? How long is too l...

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