Genius! Frat creates isolation pod with entire brotherhood

Sarah Petnuch, Contributing Writer

So, it’s week three of the Spring 2021 semester here at the University. Normally, you would see frat boys attending mixers on Friday nights, throwing Super Saturday parties, or even just spending just partaking in your typical college campus activities.

But not this year! It’s Covid season, and no such events will be permitted.

Yet, despite Sigma Kappa Apple Pie’s best efforts, they still managed to develop a spike of cases. Which meant that, because of contact tracing, the entire chapter would have to spend 10 days in isolation. TEN DAYS WITHOUT THE BROTHERS!? The members of the frat were beside themselves. How were they supposed to survive that long without the things they love most: bros, beers, and booling? The president of Sigma Kappa Apple Pie scrambled to come up with an alternative idea. And then it came to him. Isolation in their house on St. Cathy.

After discussing it with the other brothers, the decision became final. The entire chapter would just isolate in their decrepit and foul downtown house used strictly for parties. It was going to be a tight squeeze fitting all 115 brothers in, but they could make it work, right? Of course, a little cleaning had to be done beforehand; empty cups, beer cans, and pizza boxes were scattered across countertops, sludge (a mixture of beer, mud, and various bodily fluids) covered the floor, and there was not a piece of furniture in sight. It certainly was not the type of place that would pass a health inspection, but hey, the house was probably covered in COVID-19 germs before anyone even got there! However, they would have to make do, because anything was better than time apart from the boys.

St. Cathy quickly became a national COVID-19 hotspot as the other frats followed suit. While it may not have been the most sanitary of ideas on ways to circumvent isolation, one thing is for sure: they were not going to spread the virus because no frat member would want to leave a house full of their bros (and no one would want to enter either).

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