Satire: Bucknell cuts down cherry blossom trees to meet student allergy needs

Juliette Gaggini, Satire Co-Editor

Bucknell, a school known for its supreme vegetation, is facing tremendous backlash as the University has decided to cut down its cherry blossom trees to protect students from allergy season. 

The University began showing concern around the cherry blossoms last Spring when students were getting aggressively congested every time they left their beds from their Zoom classes. This year, as students are spending about 13x more time outside than they were last year, the effects of the cherry blossom allergies are evident. 

A concerned student contacted the University claiming that the cherry blossom trees are posing a significant health risk to students and squirrels alike. A mix of both their allergy inducing properties and the stench has left many campus residents feeling dizzy and nauseous. Some squirrels have been spotted dropping out of the trees. 

One student, Brian Skeels ’23, who transferred to Bucknell solely for its abundance of outdoor spaces, was concerned about the University’s decision to cut down its cherry blossom trees. “I came here for the acreage and will be disappointed to see if the University changes the beautiful landscape,” said Skeels. 

One visiting student who came for the University’s admitted students day said they were less concerned with the cherry blossoms and more concerned with the copious amounts of mulch. “I wanted to come here until I realized how much this school reeks,” said the anonymous visiting student who has since confirmed he is going to Lehigh. 

The University has announced that they will be replacing the cherry blossom trees with plastic Christmas trees.

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