Former high school valedictorian takes the SAT to regain confidence

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

High schoolers across the Buffalo Valley arrived at Lewisburg High School on Nov. 4 to take the Scholastic Assessment Test, better known as the SAT. A large factor in determining what universities high school students can apply to, the SAT is an opportunity to test academic prowess and aptitude for mathematics, writing skills, and critical reading ability. Among the jittery, anxious test takers however was one individual who entered with a bit more confidence and a few more hairs on his chin.

Evan Pritchett ’18 is a University political science major with a minor in Spanish who participated in last week’s standardized test. After his seventh job application was rejected, Pritchett decided to dust off his varsity jacket and relive his glory days.

­“Back in high school, I used to be the golden boy. I played varsity basketball all four years, I was captain of the debate team, and I was valedictorian. Back when I took the SAT, I scored a 2350! After that seventh rejection letter, I just needed to do something that made me feel better; to remind me that I’’m worth something, you know,” Pritchett said.

Companies that rejected Pritchett’s job application included industry moguls such as Apple, Amazon, and Google.

“Maybe he was a great student back in high school but his application now was just lousy. One of his references told us that he never did any of his work because his 2350 composite score should be more than enough,” Apple human resources representative Alex Gray said.

Among the high schoolers however, Pritchett appeared to leave a strong impression. He’s since been invited to all of the cool parties and is attending next week’s homecoming dance with the prettiest girl in high school, Maya Greene.

“I’m sure I’ll find a job eventually but it’’s nice to get my confidence back up in the meantime. Besides, I’d only want to get hired by an employer that can appreciate a 2350 on the SAT. I don’t understand why the Career Development Center keeps telling me to remove that from my resume,” Pritchett said.

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