The weather is getting brisk, the trees are changing colors, frackets are making a comeback, and board shorts are turning into Barbours. In other words, the fall season is upon us, and with it came fall break.
While most of the University left for a mostly unsatisfying fall recess away from their friends and campus life, Chad Westerly ’22 hid in Swartz Hall. Westerly, a native of Darien, Conn., cited many reasons for not returning home.
“My parents were in Cabo,” Westerly said, “and my nanny was too busy getting married to pick me up in Lewisburg.”
When asked about how he passed the time while the campus was left abandoned, Westerly smiled and said, “I did what any Chad would do, and threw myself a neighborhood Super right in the heart of downtown Lewisburg. The whole block was invited.”
Westerly further commented that he did not want to throw just any ordinary Super.
“It is the job of every Chad to make anything they touch rad,” Westerly said.
Westerly, a prominent human rights activist within the halls of Swartz, stated that he wanted to make his party more “inclusive” towards the Lewisburg community. A regular at “White Castle” Supers, Westerly was taken aback when he saw a little girl staring at the popular day party through her living room window. This led Westerly to ditch the ordinary Natural Light keg in favor of an array of non-alcoholic beverages.
This bold move was met with a mixed reception from the random townspeople who came to enjoy the Lewisburg Super. When asked if he was in favor of this change in refreshments, local delivery man, Pizza Phi Rick, said, “It could not be more of an abomination to the sacred tradition that is Super. Although there were no alcoholic beverages, I did enjoy the Hors d’Oeuvres that Chad made.”
According to sources, Westerly ordered an astonishing 300 pounds of shrimp from the Gulf of Mexico earlier that week. Westerly stated that he got the idea from his mother, and believed that good food is essential to every successful soirée.
Although unorthodox, Westerly’s fall break super garnered great praise on Yelp, Craigslist, and Trip Advisor. It was an event that will surely not be forgotten.