As the cold weather sets in, University students are getting excited to spend the next months in big sweaters, fuzzy socks, and the grips of the winter blues.
Here is an easy guide to accelerating your rapid decline into the crippling sadness that will take over your life for the next three months.
Make a playlist of every sad song and play it repeatedly.
To make the process even more efficient, don’t be afraid to add that song you skip every time it comes on because it reminds you of your failed relationship.
Isolate yourself from all of your friends.
Stay in and binge-watch that show you’ve already seen six times instead of going out with your friends. Besides, they probably don’t want you there anyway.
Put off all of your work until the last minute.
Procrastinate those big assignments you have due before break and you won’t be let down. Your lack of motivation clashing with your constant need to prove yourself to others will have you grappling with this in the early hours of the morning, and your lack of sleep will keep the cycle going strong.
Drastically change your physical appearance because you feel it is the only aspect of your life you can control. Immediately regret it.
Chop six inches of your hair off. Get that nose ring you’ve been going back and forth about. Cut your own bangs in the midst of a 2 a.m. meltdown. You know you’ll end up hating it, which will serve as a constant physical reminder of the winter blues that will stay with you well into the spring.
Scrape up last month’s leftovers instead of making the trek to get food.
Instead of sacrificing your nerve endings to the cold temperatures, sacrifice your dietary needs. The benefits are two-fold: save money that you will undoubtedly need to pay off student loans and save your phalanges from becoming one with nature.