How one can go through life without thoughts of juice is beyond the mind of sanity. The sweet, fruity liquid is perhaps one of life’s greatest pleasures when consumed with the moderation requisite for such a treat. While a good soda will add pounds with mild entertainment, a proper juice will be an experience in itself. The joy of such consumption, its glistening color and delectable taste, is what makes it of such great beauty.

Yet, even with such glorious beverages, there must be a superior. As is the nature of the world, one will rise to the top and be hailed as the one above all others. The question of our times remains, which one? Which juice, wonderful as they may all be, is above the rest? Which can surpass even the greatest of our expectations and deliver a gustatory performance above what mortal man has perceived ever before or ever following?

The glistening sweetness of apple juice, perhaps? The robust flavor of the apple offset by the incredible sweetness makes it a certain contender, simple and yet so deeply complex once the surface is uncovered and the depth of its beauty is shown to its enjoyer. It is, in the simplest of terms, the strongest gentlest flavor that there could be. With such beauty and grace, what could compare?

I am sure many now will argue: why of course, grape juice. As perhaps the two greatest frontrunners of our times in not only popularity, but cultural validity, apple and grape juice are the towering behemoths slugging it out with the rest of the common juices remaining frightened to be trampled at their feet. I mean really, could pulpy banana juice ever compare to the soothing tang of grape juice or the warm and refreshing foundation of apple juice?

And yet, there is one which retains an even greater presence in our culture. While grape juice and apple juice are perhaps the best known of the juices, orange juice transcends its label in popularity to rocket to its own status as a proper drink, not merely “one of the juices.” It is an item of beauty, with the sweetness and tanginess of both apple and grape, but with none of the conflict. If you peer deep enough into the orange essence, you might even pick up the strength of sourness from its kinship with lemon and lime within the dysfunctional family of citrus. 

Of course, with these massive and powerful elements of their own, choosing a winner becomes beyond difficult. And these are but the most popular of the juices: if I chose to extoll the virtues of raspberry juice, lime juice, prune juice, or any other juice that may yet exist (I do not consider milk to be cow juice, thank you very much) then I could perhaps even fill the entirety of this Opinions section with the debate. Instead, for the sake of my own sanity and the sanity of my dedicated readers, I will simply make a decision.

Fruit punch.

You may now summon the firing squad, I accept my fate.