I’m done with this. The standard punctuation marks that have been enforced upon me by societal groupthink have made me nothing but irate. There have been so many times when a mere period, exclamation point or question mark just does not get the job done.
This must end.
And to think that there are punctuation marks out there that break the mold. Yes, it can be done! We all must believe that the days of standard punctuation are limited. To bring an end to the authoritarian rule of regular punctuation, I propose we bring back these long-forgotten punctuation marks that break the mold.
The interrobang (‽)
Ah yes, a classic. I can’t be the only one who wishes he could combine a question mark with an exclamation point, right?! Ugh, writing the end of that sentence was so frustrating. If we brought back the interrobang, this wouldn’t be a problem. This fills in a specific need since there are regular questions like “How are you?” and urgent questions like “Jenn picked Devin at the end of ‘The Bachelorette’‽”
Clearly different degrees of urgency, right‽ Right‽
The snark mark (.~)
Actually, I’m kidding, I love using traditional punctuation.~ It’s my favorite.~
Do you sense the snark?
This is an amazing way to let people know when you are being sarcastic so that your lame attempt at a joke does not get misinterpreted. As a former satire writer, this is incredibly important to me.
The love point
No, this is not the name of a cheesy rom-com about tennis players getting married. It’s the name of a punctuation mark that predates the heart emoji. So if you want to impress your crush, you can send them the love point, which is just a forward question mark followed by a backwards question mark. Or, if you’re like me and couldn’t figure out how to type it on the keyboard, you can say “I love point you!” This will:
- Emphasize your love for them
- Prove that you read The Bucknellian, a really attractive quality
- Make them wonder if you know proper English
If it’s number three, then it’s actually them that doesn’t know proper English, right‽
The doubt point/the certitude point
Actually, I’m not sure that these weird punctuation marks should come back. They aren’t useful at all, and I’m not very passionate about it.
Is what I would say if I wanted to use the doubt point, a cross between a “Z” and a question mark. It shows doubt or skepticism about the preceding sentence. For example, if you wanted to be honest about an analytical essay you wrote for class, you can put a doubt point at the end, because honesty should warrant higher grades.
And if I wanted to be honest about my knowledge of weird punctuation marks, I would put a certitude point (an exclamation point with a line through it) because I am one hundred percent right on all things and have never gotten anything wrong, ever.
The acclamation point
Alas, the most kindhearted punctuation mark. Designed to look like two exclamation points converging at the bottom, it’s an expression of goodwill and compassion.
I’m really glad that you all took the time to read my article (acclamation point). As a graduating senior writing one of his last articles, it really means a lot (acclamation point).
