The word “college” reminds me of quite a few things, but some that come to mind almost immediately (besides academics, of course) are “parties” and “frats.” I don’t think it would be a false generalization to say that such events are vital to most people’s college experience, especially here at the University. 

Frats are both the best and worst part of this entire community; they provide us with unforgettable experiences with friends and allow us to meet new people, but are also a breeding ground for the most obscure strains of germs and uncomfortable dance-floor make-outs. 

However, since the pandemic, social activities in every form have been drastically reimagined. Gone are the days where students could go to frats to meet new people and bond over how sweaty they are. Seriously, I did not realize how much sweat I was capable of producing until I experienced this firsthand. 

Frats have shifted their rules due to the implications of the pandemic. Social distancing and masking wouldn’t work well given the frat and party culture we have become so accustomed to.

“We usually just get a pong tournament going with the brothers,” Sigma Apple Pie fraternity member Trey said. “The problem is that the liquor stores won’t sell kegs because they are also enforcing social distancing rules, so we barely have enough space in our house to keep all of the 30 racks we buy cold.” A really difficult situation, Trey — we feel for you.

“I think the worst part about following the social distancing rules is the lack of interesting dance floor make-outs,” Kappa Pig fraternity member John said. “It was always so hilarious but now I can’t even think about kissing anybody because of all the germs.” We offer our deepest condolences to John, who might not be fully aware that kissing always involves a lot of germs. 

“The ratios this year are so rough,” Alpha Microphone Pi fraternity member Tyler said. “We are being really strict with COVID-19 regulations as we should, so the brothers usually only have a couple of girls at a time in the backyard. And they’re always someone’s girlfriends.” Things will look up soon, Tyler. However, I sincerely hope your ratio improves once the pandemic is under control. 

Clearly, people are having a really difficult time adjusting to the new normal, but hopefully this new normal doesn’t stray too far from the old normal (I have a feeling it doesn’t).