Kyle’s Korner: Ice cream machine

Kyle Putt, Graphic Artist

October 10, 2019

Getting ghosted in October

Nick DeMarchis, Contributing Writer

October 10, 2019

“Opened  – 1d.” Snapchat’s open arrow next to Alex’s name was the most disheartening thing that Marissa Spookeen ’23 had seen since her rejection from the photography club.  In the midst of “spooky szn” she sunk into the feeling of loneliness that no one wants to experience during...

Christmas comes early: When October strikes, Walmart prepares for Christmas

Alyssa Endres, Contributing Writer

October 10, 2019

When festive shoppers are on the lookout for pumpkins and cornucopias, it is only natural for the shelves to be filled with snow globes and strings of lights. In this spirit, Walmart decided to go not one, but two steps ahead in their preparation for the upcoming holiday season. Instead of black cats...

An Ode to October

Matt Drescher, Contributing Writer

October 10, 2019

Spooky today, Spooky tomorrow, But it’s not me that’s filled with sorrow.   We scare We fright But not all will be dancing in the moonlight.   For as we march down to Halloween Super, Let us feel the plight of our lost trooper.   Because crap, guys, we really messed up....

Alumni go to super

Korliss Britt, Contributing Writer

October 10, 2019

This weekend, University alumni returned to celebrate an age-old tradition of homecoming. Alumni from recent classes reunited with friends and reminisced about their college years. This year, five alumni from the class of ’90 decided to celebrate their reunion by experiencing the timeless University...

Former satire editor, sitcom producer returns to campus for Homecoming

Sam Rosenblatt, Editor-in-Chief

October 4, 2019

Homecoming Weekend is a beloved University tradition that reunites old friends and provides alumni with a warm welcome back to campus. While this can seem like just a normal weekend for some, the arrival of one particular University graduate stirred headlines. Barles Cheers ’19, former satire edi...

Top fall break destinations

Nick DeMarchis, Contributing Writer

October 4, 2019

It’s that time of year again. That time where we all need a way to escape the never-ending cycle here at the University. Luckily, we’re given our very special four days off where we might just have time to make it back home before returning to Lewisburg. What to do with this time off from classes, yo...

Super Saturday to be held in Carnegie

Amy Schlussler, Satire Co-Editor

October 4, 2019

Weekends for most University students generally consist of concerningly long naps, hours in line at All Star Bagel and afternoons at the infamous “Super Saturday.” While this may seem like an incredibly productive weekend, part of the Holy Trinity was hampered two weekends ago as authorities put...

Student stalks employment recruiters

Lewis Rizzoli, Contributing Writer

October 4, 2019

From the Employer Expo to the networking luncheon, there have been countless opportunities to finally get the job that the CDC-turned-CCA has been promising you for the past four years.  As his third senior year began, it became alarmingly apparent to Jacob Munez ’20 that his parents would no...

DOORO: Duo for Doors

Chandler Houldin, Contributing Writer

September 26, 2019

Student access to University resources, email and dining menus should clearly be under lock and key and many agree that using DUO is worth the extra protection. But shouldn’t your physical possessions be under just as much security?  Like the spray tan Tiffany showed off at the abbreviated Super la...

A Not-So-Sober Saturday

Bridgette Simpson, Contributing Writer

September 26, 2019

College is all about learning to become self-sufficient (with some safety nets). Students are free to make their own choices, such as whether or not to attend class, when and how to study and eat, and, of course, whether or not to attend parties.  Universities across the country share this age-old wee...

Kyle’s Korner: Prospective Career Path

Kyle Putt, Graphic Artist

September 26, 2019