Canada Geese flock to Lewisburg for the winter

Sam Rosenblatt, Print Managing Editor

November 30, 2018

Filed under Satire, Top Stories

Following Thanksgiving break, University students returned to campus to find large flocks of Canada Geese across Lewisburg. Known for their warmth and expensive nature, Canada Geese have reportedly been seen roaming popular spots on campus such as Bertrand Library, Malesardi Quadrangle, and Vedder Hall. ...

LaCroix comes out with “Thanksgiving Dinner” flavor in time for the holidays

Kathleen McGivern, Staff Writer

November 30, 2018

Filed under Satire

LaCroix decided to join the holiday buzz and released its new “Thanksgiving Dinner” flavor last week. The new drink is part of the corporation’s efforts to celebrate all holidays, rather than going straight from Halloween to the winter holidays. “LaCroix aims to celebrate all seasons in full....

NBC Bucknellian sitcom renewed for second season

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

November 30, 2018

Filed under Satire

NBC officials confirmed that the company would be renewing their hit sitcom “The Bucknellian” for a second season this past Friday. The series depicts the everyday lives of the editorial board for the University’s student-run newspaper. To simulate the look of an actual documentary, the show was...

Fraternity increases register security by building massive snow fort

Lewis Rizzoli, Contributing Writer

November 30, 2018

Filed under Satire

Delta Psi Beta (DPB), a new fraternity on campus, will be throwing a Winter Wonderland register at its uptown chapter house this upcoming Friday. President Bradley Johnson ’19 expects a big turnout and is anticipating one of the most “legendary” registers in University history. According to Johnson,...

Bucky’s Declassified XII: The End

November 30, 2018

Filed under Satire

Tip #95 The end of the year is approaching fast. It’s not too early to start thinking about your New Year’s resolutions. Maybe 2019 will finally be the year where you can accomplish that elusive goal, like joining CrossFit or drinking responsibly on weekends. Then again, there’s always 2020... Tip...

The Bucknellian presents: Which editor are you?

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

November 15, 2018

Filed under Satire, Top Stories

The Bucknellian is home to a diverse staff of writers, each contributing their own unique flair to Stuck House. Curious to see where you would fit in our newsroom and rising co-ed journalism fraternity? Take this simple quiz to figure out which member of our team is your spirit editor!   Q1...

Target runs out of tents as Bucknellians camp out for Cafsgiving

Kathleen McGivern, Staff Writer

November 15, 2018

Filed under Satire

Bostwick Marketplace hosted its annual “Cafsgiving” on Nov. 8. This event, sponsored by the University, is a feast of Thanksgiving food filled with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, apple pie, pumpkin pie, and all the other side dishes that a student could hope for. However, because of the popularity...

Bucky’s Declassified School Survival Guide XI

November 15, 2018

Filed under Satire

Tip #1 Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and with it comes turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing‚ and a big slice of pumpkin pie. However, if you’re looking to shake up your holiday traditions with a fresh Thanksgiving menu, follow Charlie Brown’s example: a dinner of toast, pretzel sticks,...

Notorious picky-eater creates exclusive “Tendies & Kraft Mac” meal plan

Lewis Rizzoli, Contributing Writer

November 15, 2018

Filed under Satire

University Dining announced the arrival of a newly-formed meal plan last week. The “Tendies & Kraft Mac” meal option is available for all first-year students and was initiated to encourage the more fastidious eaters to actually have meals in the Bostwick Marketplace. This meal plan was introduced...

Engineering student hasn’t seen the sun in several weeks

Alex Boyer, Staff Writer

November 15, 2018

Filed under Satire

Professional hide-and-seek season officially ended in the summer, but the search had just begun for friends of Alfred Einekleine ’22. Einekleine, an engineering student, was reported missing from the University back in late August. Friends all corroborated the story that he wanted some time to himself...

Halloween cancelled as University students find themselves unable to collectively decide which weekend to celebrate

Kathleen McGivern, Staff Writer

November 8, 2018

Filed under Satire, Top Stories

In the weeks leading up to Halloween, University students argued passionately amongst themselves about which weekend to collectively celebrate Halloween. After several unproductive debates and no decisive winner, the University announced the official cancellation of Halloween. As the community knows,...

McDonnell Hall issues cease and desist to first-year’s early Christmas celebration

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

November 8, 2018

Filed under Satire

University officials have received word that a student by the name of Jen “Jingle” Bells ’22 has been issued a formal cease and desist by the rest of her hallmates in McDonnell Hall, 4NW. According to one of her hallmates, Bells has spent every day since Halloween decorating her hall with Christmas...