The Bucknellian

Religious studies department releases holiday album

Religious studies department releases holiday album

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

November 30, 2017


Filed under Satire, Top Stories

The department of religious studies is excited to announce the upcoming release of its faculty’s first holiday album, “Holiday Hi-Stories.” The project, slated for release in early December, is a collection of genre-bending tunes that derives influences from jazz, Christian rock, and Torah readings. “We...

Memoirs of a Domino’s delivery man

Rose Gendelman, Staff Writer

November 30, 2017


Filed under Satire

Today was a better day than most. Deliveries have left me with a permanent garlic smell lingering on my fingers, which prevents me from scoring many dates, but I enjoy it most of the time. I had five different orders to deliver to the nearby campus today. Three of which were people slurring every...

The (naughty) List: Semi-productive things to do over winter break

Angela Ri, Contributing Writer

November 30, 2017


Filed under Satire

  Spend a day at your high school and visit every teacher you have ever had. Be sure to bring up a random conversation from several years ago that they definitely remember. Sample a day’s worth of food at the closest McDonald’s, and write insightful critiques on Yelp. The world needs ...

The (nice) List: Ways to decorate your dorm for the holidays

Angela Ri, Contributing Writer

November 30, 2017


Filed under Satire, The List

  Grow your own holly, and then haul it out. Obtain taxidermy Bucknell squirrels and dress them up in cute elf costumes. Steal holiday decorations from Bostwick when you think no one is looking. Invest in some stylish light-emitting diode [LED] candles — or real ones. Your RA doesn’t have ...

Down to their last Dining Dollars, upperclassmen turn desperate

Olivia Lawlor, Staff Writer

November 30, 2017


Filed under Satire

With the end of the semester right around the corner, University students are counting down the days until winter break. However, many upperclassmen students also face a major dilemma at the end of every semester: their declining Dining Dollars. With just a few weeks to go, most students will do...

Parker’s Marker: Black Friday

November 30, 2017


Filed under Parker's Marker, Satire

Parker Watson

University Thanksgiving Day parade slated for this holiday season

University Thanksgiving Day parade slated for this holiday season

Charles Beers, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire, Top Stories

In order to celebrate all of the things we as a community are thankful for, the University administration has agreed to host its inaugural Thanksgiving Day Parade on Nov. 17, here on campus. Students and faculty alike are eligible to submit their proposals for their own parade floats and balloons and...

Senior discovers international roommate is fluent in English

Senior discovers international roommate is fluent in English

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

As the end of the fall semester approaches, students across campus are becoming anxious to go home and experience a change of pace. The daily routine at small liberal arts colleges can begin to feel monotonous, falling into a rhythm where nothing new seems to happen. As it turned out for Justin Franklin...

This year’s satire in 280-character tweets

This year’s satire in 280-character tweets

Charles Beers, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

On Nov. 7, Twitter officially announced that its users could tweet messages 280 characters long, doubling its previous number of 140 characters. While responses to the decision have been mixed, with notable authors such as J.K. Rowling and Stephen King going to great lengths to criticize the expansion,...

Migos’ wild night out at the University

Migos’ wild night out at the University

Olivia Lawlor, Staff Writer

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

Migos performed a successful and well-attended concert at the University on Nov. 11. Excited by the rave reviews from the student body and eager to spend the rest of the evening out on the town, Migos set out immediately after the end of the concert to enjoy the University’s wild night life. After...

Jon’s Declassified: Holiday Edition

Jon’s Declassified: Holiday Edition

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

Q: What’s the best way to cook a turkey? A: Poultry tastes best when cooked medium rare.   Q: When is it too early to start playing Christmas music? A: Give Thanksgiving the respect it deserves. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey is the only exception – that...

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