The weekly student newspaper of Bucknell University

The Bucknellian

University Thanksgiving Day parade slated for this holiday season

University Thanksgiving Day parade slated for this holiday season

Charles Beers, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire, Top Stories

In order to celebrate all of the things we as a community are thankful for, the University administration has agreed to host its inaugural Thanksgiving Day Parade on Nov. 17, here on campus. Students and faculty alike are eligible to submit their proposals for their own parade floats and balloons and...

Senior discovers international roommate is fluent in English

Senior discovers international roommate is fluent in English

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

As the end of the fall semester approaches, students across campus are becoming anxious to go home and experience a change of pace. The daily routine at small liberal arts colleges can begin to feel monotonous, falling into a rhythm where nothing new seems to happen. As it turned out for Justin Franklin...

This year’s satire in 280-character tweets

This year’s satire in 280-character tweets

Charles Beers, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

On Nov. 7, Twitter officially announced that its users could tweet messages 280 characters long, doubling its previous number of 140 characters. While responses to the decision have been mixed, with notable authors such as J.K. Rowling and Stephen King going to great lengths to criticize the expansion,...

Migos’ wild night out at the University

Migos’ wild night out at the University

Olivia Lawlor, Staff Writer

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

Migos performed a successful and well-attended concert at the University on Nov. 11. Excited by the rave reviews from the student body and eager to spend the rest of the evening out on the town, Migos set out immediately after the end of the concert to enjoy the University’s wild night life. After...

Jon’s Declassified: Holiday Edition

Jon’s Declassified: Holiday Edition

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

November 16, 2017


Filed under Satire

Q: What’s the best way to cook a turkey? A: Poultry tastes best when cooked medium rare.   Q: When is it too early to start playing Christmas music? A: Give Thanksgiving the respect it deserves. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey is the only exception – that...

A night with the presidents turns into fierce rap battle

A night with the presidents turns into fierce rap battle

Charles Beers, Satire Co-Editor

November 9, 2017


Filed under Satire, Top Stories

"A Night with the Presidents," featuring University President and President of Bucknell Student Government (BSG), took an unexpected turn on Nov. 5 in the Weis Center for the Performing Arts. The discussion started smoothly with well-written introductions from both presidents, but soon descended into...

Who are the Amigos?

Sam Rosenblatt and Charles Beers

November 9, 2017


Filed under Satire

As anticipation builds for the University’s Fall Concert, some uncultured members of the student body are surfing the web left and right in a determined effort to sound like they know what they are talking about when the Amigos arrive on Saturday night. “My friends all seem really excited for...

Former high school valedictorian takes the SAT to regain confidence

Jon Meier, Satire Co-Editor

November 9, 2017


Filed under Satire

High schoolers across the Buffalo Valley arrived at Lewisburg High School on Nov. 4 to take the Scholastic Assessment Test, better known as the SAT. A large factor in determining what universities high school students can apply to, the SAT is an opportunity to test academic prowess and aptitude for...

Survey finds 60% increase in senators looking out windows sadly

Rose Gendelman, Staff Writer

November 9, 2017


Filed under Satire

A recent poll conducted by a Capitol Hill statistician surveyed how U.S. senators typically spend their free time. The categories to choose from included checking themselves out in the mirror, pacing around their office trying to appear busy, arguing, whitening their teeth for pictures, working...

Cold turkey: First-years prepare for their inevitable Thanksgiving break-ups

Olivia Lawlor, Staff Writer

November 9, 2017


Filed under Satire

For many first-year students, Thanksgiving vacation will be anything but relaxing. Studies have confirmed that roughly 75 percent of first-years finally end their high school relationships during the week-long November break. The Bucknellian surveyed several first-year students to get to the bottom o...

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