With the coronavirus taking top priority on the University campus, we have seen a lack of reliable weekly activities, Jerry the Clown and the advent of online schooling. More and more students have been staying in their rooms than ever before. One has to wonder, “What are they hiding?”

Well, as a fellow student with nothing conspicuous to hide, I can give reliable and factual information about any goings-on I don’t like and tip off Public Safety, who will confiscate the contraband on said people on my behalf.

On the other side of this, however, through a few late-night ragers and a complete lack of self-control — I mean, through careful, meticulous research at a local party going on the next room over, I was able to successfully attain a few testimonies of what people’s hobbies were.

“Cabbage” ’22 likes grilling in his spare time. “Sure it smells funny after a while, but when the burgers come out, they’re [dang] delicious,” he said when I asked him about the Broil King IMP-XLS Imperial XLS Dual Oven 6-Burner Freestanding Grill on his side of the room. 

His roommate Chris ’22 didn’t seem to mind it. “As long as he doesn’t get in the way of my glass-blowing,” the enthusiast responded before gesturing to his homemade furnace and collection of various molten glass samples. 

While some students have taken the comforts of home and brought them into their dorms, others have been trying out new activities on their own. One off-campus student, “Pepto” ’23, has been trying acupuncture. I tried to contact her to get her opinion on how she self-taught herself this complex skill. However, she was in the middle of an acupuncture session and only responded with more questions, like “Who are you?”, “How did you find me?” and “How did you get in my house?”

The last person I sought advice from was “Steve” ’21, an upperclassman who likes reading in his spare time. Sometimes he meets up with his friends on Zoom and plays games with them. Other times he likes sleeping on his bed when he isn’t doing homework. “Yeah, dude, like, what else are you going to do? If you can’t spend time with yourself, how are you going to appreciate spending time with other people?” he said.

With those inquiries satisfied, I could do nothing else, but put my feet up. But I still have questions. I could not do much but wonder, “What do I do in my free time?” It is a question that I will surely never find the answer to. So instead I’ll continue making cake-in-a-cup while binge-watching odd documentaries in the safety of my room while my roommate takes up indoor motocross, cornhole and alcoholism with the other kids in my hall.