My dearest Gen Z,

What’s up, homie? How’ve y’all been? We lost your socials a while back and only just dug them up, so we thought “why not hit those Gen Zers up and see what’s poppin?” 

But you know TFW you realize you understand nothing about another group? That’s how we feel about you. These are trying times, so we wanted to get in touch and let you know that we’re all in this together fam. But that is really difficult to do when we don’t pass the vibe check.

So we finna learn your language and stop being cheugy. You peeps are the CEOs of trends and spilling the tea, so hopefully, you can help us with our glow-up and stop ghosting us. We no longer simp for dictionaries, they had none of the relevant slang and couldn’t help with our linguistic drip. Big yikes. The modern music you kids listen to does really hit different. What bops. Sheeesh. Dua Lipa and Doja Cat have taught us so much, but some things still don’t connect. We were told that CupcakKe’s music slaps, so CPR is the next on our list. Any song about emergency medical treatment must be good. Periodt.

Twitter has also been very informative, seeing you drag people and participate in cancel culture is very rad. The clapbacks are so extra and sending us. And don’t get us started on Tick-Tock, that fancy clock app has taught us so much! Y’all are so snatched, get it, sis! It’s part of what has introduced us to so much of the new music scene, those bops really live rent-free. The drama seems a bit much, iykyk. Just too much hate in the world and that ain’t it, chief. All the more need for us to understand and connect to you better. 

Hopefully, us trying to connect doesn’t seem like we’re finessing, which would be decidedly not cash money. We don’t want to have a main character or “catch these hands” moment with you; no E-girls, E-boys, Pick-me girls or boys here. We’ll never be the G.O.A.T, but hopefully, we aren’t sus and can start to vibe with you better man. We just want to be woke and not salty anymore, but feel free to tell us to take several seats. 

Stay on fleek and get redpilled, we’ll catch you homies later!

– Those People You Call “Boomers”