This past Friday, the University was blessed with Mr. Jack Harlow’s presence. Mr. Harlow graced the stage for an awe-inspiring 29-minute performance–only 51 minutes shorter than my Anthropology 109 class. The only difference between the two events is that unlike Jack Harlow, Professor Tran doesn’t flirt with the young college girls clamoring in the first row. 

Mr. Harlow, who was a mere two hours late to his own concert, brought his “homies” on to perform first – and boy, were they something. Something good? The question remains unanswered (unless, of course, you ask anyone at the concert that forsaken night in which case the answer would be a resounding “No”).

Professor Turner of the philosophy department was seen leaving the concert halfway through “the Homies’” opening act. When asked why he was leaving so early, Turner responded: “I came for my boy Harlow. These ain’t my homies.” Wise words from the sophist.

The University President, who, as mentioned in previous Bucknellian articles, is booked solid through May of 2035, managed to clear his busy Friday schedule and pop out to the show. He was seen bobbing up and down in the third row, and his 6’7” frame prevented the nearly 47 students directly behind him from seeing Harlow’s “poppin’” albeit very brief performance. In fact, one student claimed that they “blinked and it was over” — although their eyes were quite red and they had an earthy, herbal smell about them, so other factors may have come into play.