Let’s be real: the vast majority of us love music. Whether you’re blasting Paramore while walking to class or laying on your bed hoping Giveon can cure your love hangover, music is an integral part of who we are, how we build community and easing the pain in any healing process we go through. 

Even though music is extremely important, a lot of people neglect to acknowledge its role in the most intimate things we engage with. In this case, I’m talking about sex. 

Yes. Sex. The thing you’re hella open about with your homies but aren’t willing to address in class. Which is completely fine — I just hope you don’t expect people to take you seriously when you act nonchalant and far removed from something so natural. 

But yeah. Let’s get back to it. Sex — and music. Do you have a sex playlist? Do you even play music, a TV show or anything else in the background while making your way past the awkward “how are you doing” phase of your hookup? 

Are you aware of the positive effects of good music on your environment, your mood and your sexual experience? 

I’m not trying to sound like a salesperson or one of those people that plans these things in advance. I actually don’t. I value spontaneity and that thrill that comes with good surprises — surprises that must also be rooted in respect, authenticity and full consent. 

Even if I do sound like a salesperson, I do hope you consider putting together a playlist that not only makes you happy, but also one you can share with someone you really love and care about — both in and out of the bedroom. 

That playlist needs to resonate with you. It needs to be a compilation of your favorite songs you don’t mind associating with specific moments; however, I do recommend you gatekeep songs that are so special you can’t share them with others. Cause what are you gonna do when “Wild Thoughts” comes on in the bison and all you can think about is that one guy that ghosted you after a night you thought was mutually unforgettable?

Ugh. I know. Embarrassing. Keep your head up. 

Above all, I want you to feel empowered. I especially want women & femmes to remind themselves of the immense value of their time, energy and presence in any space. Even when it comes to sexy time with yourself, I hope you feel powerful enough to know you are the moment. Every. Single. Day. 

Here are your favorite non-binary writer’s picks for the sex playlist everyone needs:

(October) Sex Playlist

1. Out Loud – Syd (ft. Kehlani) 
2. No Love – Summer Walker (ft. SZA)
3. How You Want It – Teyana Taylor
4. Lotus Flower Bomb – Wale (ft. Miguel)
5. Honey – Kehlani 
6. Parce – Maluma (ft. Justin Quiles, Lenny Tavárez)
7. La Cama – Lunay (ft. Myke Towers) 
8. 2 On – Tinashe (ft. ScHoolboy Q)
9. Often – The Weeknd
10. Best I Ever Had – Drake 
11. Forfeit – Kiana Ledé (ft. Lucky Daye) 
12. SUBIENDO – Becky G (ft. Dalex) 
13. universe – thuy
14. Love N Hennessy – A.CHAL
15. P*$$Y Fairy (OTW) – Jhené Aiko
16. Shot Clock – Ella Mai 
17. Safety Net – Ariana Grande (ft. Ty Dolla $ign)
18. Pink Matter – Frank Ocean
19. Just Might – Summer Walker (ft. PARTNEXTDOOR)
20. She Don’t – Ella Mai (ft. Ty Dolla $ign)