This week, in a shocking twist, the Bucknell Farm has seceded from the university, surprising everybody on campus. On the surface, relations between the University and the farm have been great of late; many classes here offer class visits to the farm, the farm frequently has events on its premises and the people at the farm often work on great initiatives. 

However, there has been one major source of friction between the University and the farm; starting this year, many universities started offering “plant” (PLNT 101) as a foreign language, but Bucknell was late to the game on this front. 

This recent pattern can be traced back to famous American singer/songwriter Robert Plant. During one of his last live performances, Plant spoke into the microphone, saying “C₅₅H₇₂O₅N₄Mg! C₅₅H₇₂O₅N₄Mg! C₅₅H₇₂O₅N₄Mg!” (C₅₅H₇₂O₅N₄Mg is the chemical formula for chlorophyll). The crowd was immediately confused by this, and they started booing. “I am speaking plant to you all, now. I hope you all can understand; speaking plant is the way of the future. It is the way in which all of humanity’s problems can be solved. Racism, sexism, and bigotry can be solved by speaking plant. World hunger can be solved by the language of the plant. We can achieve world peace by speaking plant,” spoke Plant. 

Plant’s speech made waves in the academic community, and universities everywhere started to offer “plant” as a foreign language. However, Bucknell was somewhat resistant to this idea. President John Bravman, at a recent press conference, said, “Why? Just… why?”

However, the people over at the farm said that they will be seceding indefinitely due to the University’s resistance. Now due to this departure, Bravman has spoken out saying, “After a long wait, we will now be offering plant language courses here on campus. I apologize for my shortsightedness. We must learn the ways of the plant. We must be one with the plant. The plants are the stem to humanity’s leaf.”

Several students have really taken to this. Many plant language classes have already been filled up, leaving many others disappointed. Some students are so into the language that they have started drinking chlorophyll-infused water and dying their skin green. The future between the University and the farm remains to be seen. We here at the Bucknellian we keep you chloro-filled in on the details!