Although Bucknell’s students seldom agree on anything, there is one indisputable fact that receives no opposition: Whoever is on aux at the caf deserves a raise. 

Recently, Bostwick workers have taken student requests to add to their playlists. These requests have resulted in “The Harlem Shake”, “Let it Go” and even the German national anthem gracing students’ ears as they munch. Bostwick workers were particularly moved when Bucknell’s student body belted all of the words to the German national anthem, inspiring them to hold Oktoberfest to celebrate German heritage this past Wednesday.

The Oktoberfest celebration featured a German-themed menu, introducing students to traditional German cuisine including schinkennudeln and three different types of sauerkraut. The regular dining playlists were set aside as Bostwick welcomed a German band to serenade visitors. Students joyously sang along, using their bratwursts as makeshift microphones. Following the success of Oktoberfest, the caf decided to add two additional dining celebrations into the mix.

The first event will occur right before winter break. Bostwick wishes to highlight Festivus that week, which is the Seinfeld-contrived celebration that takes the place of Christmas. As many know, this holiday swaps the Christmas tree for a festive aluminum pole. To properly honor this tradition, the caf will again abandon their beloved playlists and welcome members of Aerosmith to play a heavy-metal set. Keeping with the metal theme, everything served this day will come from metal cans that have been graciously donated by the Langone’s. The first course will include delicious canned omelet and french toast purées. 

If this is not incentive enough, the first 300 students to arrive will be awarded their very own aluminum poles to replace their LEDs as chic room decor! The lunch special will be SPAM soufflé, and Bostwick will offer canned beef in gravy for dinner. Although Festivus will be a one-day cafeteria celebration, university water fountains provide students with sufficient aluminum intake to continue the celebration year-round.

Set to take place on March 15, the caf plans to honor National Shoelace Day with a strictly cylindrical spread to mimic shoelaces’ long and thin structure. For breakfast, students will enjoy platters of deep fried asparagus sticks. Those with a sweet tooth can also grab a scrumptious banana/corn smoothie from the smoothie bar. Don’t fret if you miss breakfast, because Bostwick’s diligent chefs will serve hot dog kabobs for lunch! 

For dinner, students will be offered only spaghetti dishes, so those who are gluten-free will have to wait until dessert if they are hungry. Dinner will include a spaghetti tying competition during which students will race to see who can craft the longest spaghetti noodle chain in two minutes. The winner will be awarded 15 meal swipes, which will ultimately be rendered useless when they choose to eat all of their meals at the Bison anyways. The meal will conclude with a build-your-own Twizzler station that allows students to customize their very own Twizzler flavors.