This past Friday, Bucknellians received yet another mass email in their inboxes. Since the subject header did not read “Message Center Digest,” students actually opened the email out of sheer curiosity. 

“Dear Bucknellians,” the message read, “I am pleased to announce that the Board of Trustees has voted to extend John Bravman’s contract with the University through at least 2028.”

In honor of President Bravman’s newly extended contract, the Board of Trustees decided to host the very first President Bravman-Lookalike Contest! Students and faculty alike were invited to sport their most fashionable garments in an attempt to mimic Bravman’s signature look. Since the only day over the weekend that students crack open their homework is Sunday, the first floor of Bertrand last Sunday evening was the perfect setting for this populous and dynamic event.

The stakes were high; the winner of the contest was to be awarded their very own seat on the University’s Board of Trustees with full support from the current members. The library staff even agreed to lift their typical floor quiet policies in support of the contest, and were not at all influenced by the President’s involvement – they happily alter their policies anytime students wish to bring their rowdiness onto the floors. 

Participants assigned themselves pseudonyms and wrote their fictitious names on name tags to conceal their true identities. The tags adhered to their pressed suit jackets and meticulously tied neckties while the contestants stood in a row for the judges, the caf employees, to observe. 

The contest took longer than anticipated, incurring an unexpected delay due to an inordinate number of students waiting in the saute line at Bostwick that evening. The judges eventually traversed the dozens of contestants who yearned to achieve the high-fashion look that President Bravman encapsulates.

After nearly two hours of deliberation, the caf employees finally agreed upon their winner. Beads of sweat rolled down contestants’ cheeks and onto their leather shoes as they anxiously waited for the results. To Bravman’s dismay, his own pseudonym, Don B. Clombman, was not the name selected for first prize! 

Bravman instead placed in second, which only awarded him a mere shoutout on Bucknell’s official Instagram story. Although Bravman insisted the contest be shut down at that point, the victor had already been selected: Ron D. Schwabban. Who was the dapper mastermind behind the anonymous, winning nickname?

Congratulations to the champion of the first (and last) President Bravman-Lookalike Contest, newest member of Bucknell’s Board of Trustees Brent Papson!