This past Tuesday, Bucknellians woke up to mysterious flyers outside their doors. Were these more advertisements to join Bison Nation? Reminders about hall events that nobody will attend? 

Upon further examination, students were perplexed as they glanced at the neon papers in their hands. They read “Fizz is live at Bucknell! Download now!”

What was Fizz? As it turns out, Fizz is a social media app with essentially the same structure as YikYak. Students can anonymously post their deepest, raunchiest, drunkest inner thoughts to the portal composed of other anonymous individuals in their area. What differentiates Fizz from YikYak is the nature of the posts. Rather than including just text comments, Fizz also allows users to post memes and interactive polls.

One student, first-year English/Lit Studies major Paige Turner commented, “I really liked YikYak, but now that I’ve seen Fizz it just seems boring.”

At super, inebriated senior True Lees commented, “Fizz got mad rizz.” 

The Fizz rizz — the carbonation infatuation, if you will. This phenomenon truly has pervaded Bucknell’s campus, enticing almost one thousand students to download the app in less than a week. 

Although many are downloading Fizz, YikYak connoisseurs were not so quick to betray their loyalty. Fizz employees had paid dozens of Bucknell students $15 each to distribute free donuts in the ELC to anyone who proved they had a Fizz account.

In response, YikYak officials offered $20 to any student who stole a donut and fed it to the monkeys at the primate lab. YikYak also awarded $30 to anyone who injected Fizz donuts with buffalo sauce, and they gave a whopping $50 to those who threw an entire donut box into the Susquehanna.

These efforts backfired when somebody posted a meme on Fizz of a monkey holding a donut, captioned, “PSafe at the caf.” This post alone accumulated over 800 upvotes, which only attracted more attention to Fizz.

YikYak enthusiasts enlisted the help of Lewisburg townies to take down this so-called “YikYak dupe”. In contrast to Bucknell’s students, whose support is divided between the two apps, townies unanimously prefer YikYak to Fizz. This is because on YikYak, anybody within a 5-mile radius of Bucknell can access campus content. On the other hand, one can only join the Bucknell Fizz forum if they register with their Bucknell email address. 

Townies were enraged when they heard they would be missing out on the fun. Fueled by intense FOMO, many submitted applications to Bucknell, hoping to gain admission and a Bucknell email address of their own.

Bucknell is in a current state of turmoil. Last week, townies rolled into Sojka on their horse and buggies and stole all of the Bingo Blingo prizes in protest.

Once the social media face-off ceases, which app will prevail? Whether through Fizz or YikYak, one statement will always hold true: donuts are not a nutritious food choice for monkeys.