Bucknell Dance Showcase welcomes newest member… Bucky!

Aaron Chin, Satire Co-Editor

Dance is harder than it looks. While many people are natural athletes and can make dancing seem effortless, dancing is a far more complex sport that requires coordination, stamina and athleticism. Therefore, Bucknell’s dance team holds rigorous auditions when they are looking for new members.

Last weekend, the Bucknell dance team held auditions for their showcase this semester. There were record numbers of participants this year, as hundreds of students auditioned for the team. However, there was one unexpected contestant that showed up: Bucky the Bison! That’s right, Bucknell’s beloved mascot auditioned for the upcoming dance showcase. 

“I was so surprised to see him audition,” dance captain Buster Move ’23 said. “We typically don’t accept non-humans onto the dance team, but Bucky really impressed us all.”

Bucky truly did put on quite the show. While bison might seem big and lumbering to the naked eye, Bucky was quite graceful and elegant, as he impressed all of the judges with his unparalleled athletic abilities. As a part of the audition process, the dance team put contestants through numerous drills and exercises to assess their strengths. One of these drills was to run laps around the track in the Gerhard Fieldhouse. While normal bison can only run a mere thirty-five miles per hour, Bucky was able to run around the track at two times the speed of light. Now that’s fast!

There was another unexpected contestant that auditioned: Leo, the Lafayette Leopard. However, the Leopard simply could not keep up with our Bucky since leopards can only run at thirty-six miles per hour, which, shockingly, is not twice the speed of light.

One judge named Jandy Rackson had a very interesting comment about the leopard’s performance as well: “That’s a no for me, cat.”

It turned out that the leopard was just confused and thought that he was auditioning for Lafayette’s dance showcase, so he went back to his campus with his whiskers hung low. Once he returned, he found that he could also run at twice the speed of light and was accepted onto his dance team; home court advantage is real, everyone. 

Let’s get back to Bucky. Renowned music executive Bill Board actually sat in on the auditions this week. According to Mr. Board’s calculations, Bucknell is now projected to crack the coveted “Top 100 College Dance Teams Located Near the Susquehanna River Valley,” all due to Bucky’s contributions during auditions. Way to go, Bucky!

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