To The Cucknellian,

My name is Hayley Leopold, and I am a first-year Satire Editor for The Bucknellian. You may be wondering why I’ve taken the time to compose this letter. You see, I first came across The Cucknellian’s Instagram account while aimlessly scrolling through my feed a few weeks ago. As someone who despises Bucknell’s barely functional laundry machines, I was especially interested in reading your piece entitled “First-Year’s Sheets Washed For The First Time Ever After He Takes Them Home To His Parents Over Break.” I clicked on the link in your bio to read the article as the caption instructed, but rather than seeing a document including this article, I just got rick rolled.

I now understand that your titles are only posted jokingly, with no physical articles attached to them. This is such a shame! Because you are only writing titles for pieces but then not actually writing them, students are missing out on this hilarious content. I would like to propose a solution that would benefit The Bucknellian and The Cucknellian alike: your writers should join The Bucknellian and write for the satire section! We are always looking for new writers, and your articles would fit perfectly into our section.

In fact, if you take the time to scroll through our section, you’ll find that some of your proposed articles are actually quite similar to ones we’ve already written. One such example includes “President Bravman Discloses True Reason Behind Bucknell Tuition Increase – And It’s Not What You’d Think”. This title poses striking similarities to our piece entitled “Tuition over 80k? Here’s why Bucknell needs the extra cash.”

Similarly, your title, “Food Insecurity On Campus? These Tips Will Help!” is along the same lines as an article we released last semester, entitled “Thanksgiving Leftovers Temporarily Solve Food Insecurity.”

From these examples, it becomes clear that the Cucknellian and Bucknellian satire writers think alike. If we join forces, we can spread satirical joy across campus greater than any amount that either group could on their own. Many Bucknellian editors already follow your page; we are friends, not foes.

Will you accept my plea? I warmly invite your writers to reach out to me to get started!

Sincerely,

A satire editor desperate for more writers,

Hayley Leopold