The Flyson, the climbing wall, the all gender bathroom in academic buildings…these are all spots Bucknellians visit on a weekly basis. However, the climbing wall was recently temporarily closed after events that students are calling “bizarre,” “once in a lifetime,” and “a waste of time.” I personally was not at the scene of the incident, but I have a good source (Fizz) that provided the details of the series of events.

It all started with a date between two first-years, Britney (5’9 , Pre-Med) and Brian (5′ 7, no friends). They both climbed the wall as a part of the date. How Brian got the date is unclear, but Britney said his tinder was not accurate.

Once they got to the top of the wall, Britney climbed down, but Brian stayed at the top. Britney asked Brian to come down but he refused, and when asked why he said, “It’s not important.” Britney asked if Brian was afraid of heights but he said, “What?!? Nooo,” in a manner that was in no way convincing. A worker asked Brian if he wanted him to go up and help him down, but Brian said, “It is illegal for you to do that.”

Britney told him that it was okay, and that she knows he is afraid of heights to which Brian made “a game show wrong answer sound” and said, “no one is a bigger heights supporter than me.”

Britney and the worker continued trying to convince Brian to come down but he would not budge. At one point the worker tried to climb up and help Brian but he began screaming like a banshee, which scared the worker off. Brittany had enough and called P-Safe.

P-Safe arrived at the scene after quickly ticketing as many cars as possible in the parking lot. Upon entering the room the two officers laughed and took selfies. The officers decided to tase Brian and let him fall onto an unwashed first-year’s mattress. The P-Safe officer aimed his taser but before anything could happen this conversation began…

Brian: Wow. After all this time, you guys don’t know what this is about. This was never about a climbing wall but it’s about a wall we climb everyday. Maybe instead of building these climbing walls we should build climbing bridges or maybe the true climbing wall was the relationships we grabbed to push us to go higher.

P-Safe Officer: Tase him.

Brian was tased and fell just short of the mattress. P-Safe apologized by writing him up and giving him a card to review their work.