Amidst the cancellation of The Bachelorette’s twenty-second season, it’s worth reflecting on the value—or lack thereof—of this show and ones like it. The most obvious answer is that it’s simply entertainment, plain and simple. It’s not meant to be a reflection of reality, nor a concept to be applied into daily life.
And yet, in many ways, the modern dating scene has become “Bachelorized.” The depictions of what was intended to be mindless entertainment from equally mindless people have become somewhat true in our current state.
Love has always been commodified. Industries’ eyes glow green with greed as soon as Valentine’s Day rolls around. The U.S. wedding industry alone is valued at around $65 billion, while the global industry is nearly five times that. But I’d argue shows like “The Bachelor” have taken a step further by not just commercializing love, but rivalizing it.
The idea of a group of adult men and women vying for the love and the opportunity to marry an individual of the opposite gender seems almost dystopian in its absurdity. But does every one of us not become a version of the bachelor or the bachelorette on dating apps? Dating is inherently performative, even more so now that we’re aware everyone has an abundance of options. The “roster strategy” in dating has become the new cultural norm, wherein that you’d casually date multiple people simultaneously. In fact, multiple dating and relationship sites encourage this approach for both men and women, although women are particular targets of this persuasion. One such site describes men’s rosters as “…a menu of delicious items readily available to him. These delicious items are categorized by portion size, ladies who are just appetizers, hearty meals, a sweet desert.” Misspellings aside, the article urges women to curate their own roster in response:
“Before you start whining that having a roster is mean, unladylike, shallow, ask yourself how it feels to be on a man’s roster, vying for his attention? It is disheartening, disempowering, an empty place to be. At any minute you could get kicked off the field for not pleasing him better than another player. The reason I encourage all women to create a roster and learn to strategize is to help you shift your focus away from what you must do to get a man, to what should men be doing for me?”
Of course, this is simply one isolated source, but this phenomenon in modern dating has become prevalent to the extent that many people share this view. Men and women are left like jesters at the king’s court, performing in their own ways for the affections of some individual who, with that type of mindset, is likely not even worth the effort. Love has become as much of a competition as it was in The Bachelor. Are you not attractive enough, not interesting enough? A few swipes on Tinder, a few taps on iMessages and you’re left in the dust for someone else who has managed to meet the ever-increasing standards, at least for now.
The media we consume is never simply media. Either directly or indirectly, we are influenced by what we read and watch, and shows like The Bachelor and the Bachelorette, aside from being occupied by people we can freely laugh at, have managed to turn love, and human connection, into a competition mirrored in our actual lives. So while we can lounge on our couches, laughing as the bachelor hands his rose to a woman we may or may not think deserves it, we should be cautious of the ways in our own lives that love and romance are starting to become more entertainment than emotion.