Sleeping Around: Breakfast Etiquette

By Stacey Lace


Last semester, I explained exactly what is a half-night stand. I know some of you found it funny that I actually had a term for such a phenomenon and others found it appalling that this kind of behavior even exists. Regardless, no one can deny the fact that the half-night stand eliminates worrying about “breakfast etiquette.”

I like to think of good breakfast etiquette as the Emily Post way to gracefully handle the morning after situation. I’ll be honest, after hearing stories from my friends of both genders and different sexual orientations, it seems the awkwardness of the morning after is inevitable.

I started thinking about breakfast etiquette when I heard from a friend that she doesn’t come home the morning after until three requirements have been met:

She has been fed breakfast.

She has had a massage.

She is given a ride.

While I am a diva, I’m not sure that these stipulations should be the standard in every situation. If you’re not in a relationship, I understand that it may not make sense to have an over-the-top morning routine for a one-nighter with no future; however, maybe a little something could be expected.

For example, if you end up spending your late evening and early morning in a mod, at least a bowl of cereal can be managed. (For future reference, I prefer Strawberry Frosted Mini Wheats; they’re just so pink!) If you’ve got a fully functioning kitchen and can’t even get cereal together, why do you bother living so far away from the rest of campus?

Once sleepovers grow to be habitual enough that bacon, eggs and toast are expected, I think roommates could even coordinate their efforts. I’m just saying one person cooks on Saturdays and the other on Sundays. It just seems more efficient that way (same cost, greater benefit).

As for those lacking a kitchen, maybe a quick breakfast date in the Bison would suffice? If you have the time and want to get a little classier you could take your honey down to Zelda’s, Kiely’s or Cherry Alley.  There’s just something so nice about doing the Sunday crossword together.

As for my friend’s feelings about massages and rides home, maybe you should only bother with a massage when you’re in a relationship or a licensed masseuse, and a ride home is always key.

And a few last words: No relationship, no kitchen–-no breakfast. Let’s not make our expectations completely unrealistic.

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