Dixie Rose
Columnist

There are two types of couples on this campus: those who are genuinely happy and love spending time together and those who want everyone to think they are happy and love spending time together. Unfortunately, the latter of these feels the need to express their emotions at inappropriate times and places. Seriously, it seems like any time and place works, regardless of the circumstances. I’ve taken it upon myself to compile some guidelines about on-campus displays of affection. While this seems like a guide, it’s more like a public service announcement.

Do: Kiss in public

I’m all for PDA. The couples that walk around holding hands and giving each other little goodbye kisses before class are adorable.

Don’t: Be too aggressive about it.

There’s a difference between a quick kiss and going at it in the middle of the Rooke Science Center’s atrium. I’m sorry, but 9 a.m. is too early to see people shoving their tongues down each other’s throats.

Do: Sit near each other in class

I enjoy sitting by my boyfriend in class for the same reasons I like sitting by my friends; he’s good entertainment when class gets dull and he doesn’t judge me when I ask stupid questions.

Don’t: Act like it is date night

Being in a physics lecture is different than being at a movie. I don’t want to watch people snuggled up together in a classroom, and neither does anyone else. Can you imagine being a professor and watching two college kids canoodling in the front row? Ew.

Do: Dance together at parties

It’s better to be grinded on by someone you actually like than a random first-year.

Don’t: Be that couple

We’ve all seen this: you’re at a register, trying to find an acceptable excuse to walk away from the kid grinding on you and you start scanning the room. All of a sudden, you see what looks like an awkward monster with too many arms and not enough hands. And then you realize it’s two people up against a wall who need a hand check.

Do: Have a healthy sex life

This means something different to everyone. My roommate’s boyfriend, for example, was complaining about a recent cut back from twice a day to once a day. But admit it–whether you go through a pack of condoms a week or are saving yourself for marriage, being physical is a big part of a successful and healthy relationship.

Don’t: Forget to close the blinds

Just because you want to experience it doesn’t mean the rest of the world wants to see it.