Rees' Pieces

Ben Rees

The Students We Are

For your benefit, please read this aloud.

I’m a registered undergraduate pursuing a baccalaureate. No B.S., but a B.A., in more ways than one. I’m dedicated, educated and occasionally inebriated. I read for content without content, and I’m underwhelmed while overloaded. I manage 101 things, almost leased 700 Market and it all took me 100 nights (too soon?). I brake for nobody—except gym rats—and I still don’t know who DANA is. I weather nor’easters, but somehow can’t figure out the Campus Climate. They stay low on the salt, and a wild ride is a slip and slide down the east side of the grove.

I drive a black Suburban through white suburbs, and my TAs care more about the Townie T than if I get an A on my T-cell lab. I’m career-centered, but can’t find the career center, as botany is not for me. My résumé will resume once I’m safely connected via SafeConnect, and Christy Mathewson didn’t even go here (entirely)-I guess he just has a lot of feelings. In the Bison the chicken is tender, and the squirrels outside are squirrely, perhaps these things are connected.

I lie low but have high-risk friends, and I don’t have a bank account so my parents pay for bankers. People hook up, date down, stay in and hang out. I pet therapy dogs and scream at tour guides. I’m on BSG, IFC and just ACE’d one Panhel of an exam. I’ve been to Uptown, downtown, Academic West and Tungsten (bless you). I externed with a big firm, but my internship didn’t turn into shit, so now I’m soul-searching, cross-referencing and brown-nosing to find a career.

Yellow Wood is browning and Red Light’s burned out; Fire Escape is far from safe and Shark Tank sank a long time ago. I’d go to the KLARC, but there’s nowhere to park; the ellipticals are filled by those on the straight and very narrow. I want my Bull Run pronto, as my temperance is nonexistent, and I live my life like every night is wing night.

I’m an independent academic on supplements, and my ADD gets in the way of my …  First Night commenced to Commencement, and my once MIA OA is still far too excited to see me. I love this beautiful place filled with beautiful people, beautiful buildings and stunning sunsets. An academic wonderland interspersed with personality, technicality and the perfect dose of triviality. If you give back, this place will always take, and we do best, have a great break!

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