Why I Want to Study Abroad Down Under: A Statement of Intent

Will Luckey

Writer

Why I Want to Study Abroad Down Under: A Statement of Intent

Dear Study Abroad Program,

I can’t think of another place I would want to spend my semester abroad other than Australia. In my mind, it is the only place for me. Ever since I was young, I dreamed of visiting the Oprah House in Sydney. I understand that it was built to look like the Superdome after Hurricane Katrina hit, or maybe they just never finished it—I am not sure.

Secondly, I would like to visit the place where “Finding Nemo” was filmed. I plan on retracing the journey the whiny, sourpuss fish did with that mentally handicapped one.

I will top off that day with a visit to an authentic Outback Steakhouse. I only hope my coupon for pepper-jack sliders does not expire before then!

I am a big fan of football, but I sometimes find all of the rules confusing. Plus, the uniforms seem a bit too baggy and constraining. I have done some research, and Aussie football rules seems much more up my alley. They wear tight short shorts and poorly cut tank tops. The game is basically running around with no organization, throwing the ball to other players until the game just kind of ends. There are goal posts, but they never seem to use them, and teams are awarded arbitrary amounts of points whenever they make the other team bleed.

Next, I will make a pilgrimage to the birthplace of my favorite actor, Russell Crowe. He has starred in some timeless classics such as “Mystery Alaska,” “3:10 To Yuma,” and the second season of “L.A. Confidential.” He is also featured on Australia’s $5 bill.

A few last things I want to do are find and devour the stingray that killed the Aussie version of Popeye, Jeff Corwin, hang out with Crocodile Dundee (who I believe is the current Prime Minister), get in a fight with a Tasmanian devil, panic the first time I see a toilet flush backwards, order shrimp on the barbie wherever I go, get filmed being attacked by a shark for “Shark Week,” make a rug out of a kangaroo (Kangarug), tell everyone how average of a beer Foster’s is, and that I still blame them for killing Jack’s dad in “Lost.”

I really love America, and I hate all people and things foreign to me. Similar to America, Australia values kicking natives off of their ancestral land and building sprawling metropolises in places with no sources of fresh water. I am looking forward to studying in a country founded by criminals whose national sport is swimming. In short, I just cannot wait to live on a desert island with less culture than Canada.

Please consider me for a spot in your program,

Will Luckey

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