Comedy Column: Bison Engineers Go On Strike!

Guy Efrat, Contributing Writer

The campus is in shambles! After coming across the schedules of non-engineering majors in the library, an anonymous student majoring in electrical engineering was outraged. He showed the schedule to his fellow engineers who were just as stupefied. There was a mere 12 hours worth of classes on the schedule, including a class called “When Rocks Attack.” These engineering students soon found that this schedule is not unique. In fact, they discovered that all non-engineering majors have a fairly relaxed schedule compared to the average engineer’s schedule, which consists of nearly 24 hours of classes including many labs and recitations.

The community of engineering students on campus has come together to announce a strike unlike anything the school has seen before, and engineering majors have signed a letter declaring that they shall not attend classes unless certain actions are taken. The Department of Underappreciated Members of Bucknell Engineering (DUMB-E) has provided a set of demands that must be met for this strike to end. The demands are as follows:

1) Less recitations, more ice cream socials.
2) Instead of designing bridges, we will design sweet catapults.
3) We will use those catapults to launch eggs from Breakiron to O’Leary.
4) All non-engineering majors must construct a statue in our honor. (Note: A class will be held by engineering majors to teach non-engineering majors how to construct statues.)
5) Go-karts!
6) Engineers get to participate in “Hawaiian Shirt Fridays.”

The school board is currently looking over this list of demands and deciding on the best way to handle the situation.

“We’ll give them ice cream, but there’s absolutely no way they can take part in Hawaiian Shirt Fridays,” one faculty member said. “That’s our thing. It has always been our thing and it will continue to be our thing. I’d rather die before I see an engineering student wearing a Hawaiian Shirt on this campus!”

Tension is in the air at the University, with both sides seemingly at a standstill. Until one of the sides breaks down and negotiations are met, the University will be without one of its most beloved departments. In unrelated news, every computer in Coleman, Academic West, O’Leary, Olin, and Taylor has stopped functioning. Breakiron’s computers, however, are running spectacularly.

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