Comedy Column: Bucknell Student “Literally Can’t Even”

Guy Efrat, Columnist

After finding out that two of her final exams were scheduled for the same day, University student Tiffany Jenson has declared that she “literally can’t even right now.” Jenson’s anger is not uncommon on campus as the testing period approaches. Many students are becoming stressed and angry, with some students going as far as saying they’re “just done with this.” Jenson’s case is unique in that she has vented her frustration on multiple social media sites. After telling her best friend about the news, she quickly rushed to Facebook where she posted a status that read, “OMG 2 Tests in One Day!! #flustered #literallycan’tevenrightnow.” But her anger didn’t end there.

She proceeded to Yik Yak where she posted the following: “Dear All My Teachers, Stop being evil, Sincerely, Jenson. #literally #can’teven #rightnow.” That message got 23 upvotes with a comment that reads, “I heard dat.” We interviewed Jenson about the situation and this is what she had to say.

“I’m so happy to know that I have the support of the students on this issue and that others are as concerned as I am about the poopy teachers around here. I mean, do they just like hate us or something? We need to stand up these bullies! #Lit #er #al #ly #can’t #e #ven.”

Jenson asked us to share this information with her professors in order to get the dates changed.

“She can’t even what? That’s not a complete sentence,” one professor said.

“Is this girl an idiot?” another professor asked.

Neither professor decided to change the date of their exams. When Jenson learned of the news, she was greatly heartbroken, but just hours later, her mood greatly improved as we found out that she had uploaded a photo of a sunset on Instagram with the caption: “This is what makes it all worth it #Bucknell #beautiful #blessed”

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