Seniors Kick Off the Last Good Month of Their Lives

Will Luckey, Columnist

Saint Catherine St. – In the middle of what can only be described as a playground for degenerate young adults, Bucknell seniors have begun to let loose and enjoy what few joy-filled days they have left to live.

“We’ve all worked hard for the last four years here, so we figured we might as well reward ourselves by screwing around and taking it easy for the next few weeks,” commented a senior boy, who in two months will be crammed into a tiny cubicle to be denigrated and demoralized on a daily basis for the next 40 years.

Seniors are starting to regularly skip classes to play street hockey, go on hikes, sunbathe, and generally socialize with friends. But soon, they will all be learning the term “high-functioning alcoholic” and to live with crippling amounts of debt.

“I’m just so happy that all of my long hours in the library are going to finally pay off! I can’t wait to see what the next chapter brings for all of my friends and me,” said a senior girl. She had recently accepted a position with a boss who will never let her grow as a professional and continually claim complete credit for her hard work.

“Yeah man, we’re pretty much on top of the world right now. It’s a good feeling, everyday you can just do whatever you want, the world is our oyster!” said a boy who, in less than a decade, will stay up at night, consider getting in his car, and leave behind his wife and kids forever.   

When they do navigate their way out of the liquor-stained labyrinth of downtown and grace the campus with their presence, they rarely bring more than a pencil to class. Homework is optional, papers are formalities, and the library is just a nightclub for the day. Their spirits are high and their vision higher as they think about the bright future that they don’t have. They are dreaming at night of traveling the world with nothing but a backpack and an open mind, or of white picket fences and golden retrievers in Old Greenwich. But they don’t dream of the inevitable layoffs, divorces, gained weight, and lost hair in their futures.

For now, the seniors are basking in their own glory. Like the orchestra on the Titanic, they play on despite the impending chill of the abyss. They are wisely making the most out of the last precious weeks of happiness that they have left on this Earth.

(Visited 158 times, 1 visits today)