Chou’s Clues: “Don’t you want to get a freebie too?”

Rachel Chou, Opinions Editor

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Students brought their flirting game to a whole new level at the Employer Expo on Sept. 17. Representatives from J.P. Morgan and Goldman Sachs were overwhelmed by the number of students clustered around their tables trying to get their hands on free laptop stickers and pens.

“I’ve restocked my pen supply for two more years,” Jackie Everest ’16 said. “They’ll come in handy for when I’m unemployed after graduation.”

Students were seen stuffing water bottles, lip balms, food, koozies, and selfie sticks into pockets, bags, shoes, and the inside of their bras. One student said that both pockets of his $300 J. Crew blazer ripped off due to the 30 iPhone chargers that he had stashed there.

Cody Saffron ’16 believes he has perfected the art of the steal.

“It can always get a little bit awkward when you take more freebies than you should. The trick is to divert the recruiter with over-exaggerated hand motions and facial expressions. Widen your nostrils and narrow your eyes. You want your eyebrows to touch your hairline and your smile to touch your ears. Be sure to ask really interesting, engaging questions to make an impression and show them that you’ve really done your research, such as ‘What does your company do?’ and ‘What positions are you guys offering at the moment?’ Then while they’re explaining, keep steady eye contact and your facial expression intact as you reach down and pocket everything on the table,” Saffron said.

Students believe that come graduation, they will be prepared for the real world outside the bubble.

“At the end of the day, it’s all about making those connections and wheedling people to get freebies. The Employer Expo has really allowed me to practice this for the future. I have also stolen enough water bottles to last me a year, so even if I don’t get a job, I can survive eight to 10 days before I completely perish,” Kim Portable ’16 said.

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