It’s no secret that here at the University, we all have some common wardrobe tendencies. There is a “Bucknell look.” You can go to Selinsgrove and all of the locals will be able to tell the difference between a Bucknell student and a Susquehanna student. I personally think we should just adopt a uniform of Patagucci and J.Crew.

Everyone must purchase a navy blue Patagonia fleece. No, it cannot be The North Face, and do not even think about Columbia or L.L.Bean. This piece is essential for all students. It is crucial to own this fleece for fall and early spring weather.

All male students must acquire a pair of Nantucket Red shorts and pants. They must be J.Crew or Vineyard Vines, nothing else. If you confuse Nantucket Red with salmon, you will be punished.

All female students must buy the Brandy Melville open-back sundress. It can only be worn with a Free People bralette underneath. Any other brands of bralettes will be disposed of if found in the laundry rooms. Said sundress can only be worn on Saturdays. It is encouraged that you buy this dress in a floral pattern.

On Thursdays, all students must wear baseball hats with their Greek affiliation embroidered on the front. This way, they can hide how hungover they are while also letting other students know that they partied the night before. This wardrobe rule also helps students determine who they made out with the night before. For example, you are a male student and would like to see the girl you met on Wednesday again. She is blonde and is in Kappa Kappa Gamma. Now it is so much easier for you to find her.

When it snows, all students must wear Bean Boots. If you mispredict the weather and wear inappropriate footwear, you will be forced to sit in a separate section of the Bison or Bostwick Cafeteria. You have been warned.

Black leggings will be banned. Sorry. Unless they are Lululemon—those are okay, but the logo must be visible on the back of the leg. Do not even consider the ones where the logo is on the lower back. How else would you let people know you paid a lot of money for your leggings?

Finally, students must wear Management 101 T-shirts on Mondays only. If worn on any other day, students will be forced to wear a fracket from the lost and found. Students will not be able to choose which fracket to wear; this will be up to their professor’s discretion.

APRIL FOOLS! Be yourself and wear what you want, because individuality and all of that is of value. Wear what makes you comfortable and do you.  Seriously though, do not follow these rules to such extremity.