FREAS HALL—Due to overwhelming complaints from both students and faculty, the University has officially banned applicants for the class of 2021 from Fairfield County, Conn. A recent report* found that nearly half of the student body hails from this small region of southwestern Connecticut, while a large portion comes from the surrounding areas of Westchester County, New York, and Northern New Jersey.

“There are simply too many students at the University from that godforsaken place,” Head of Admissions Bert Bertrand said.

Instead of sending admissions recruiters to small highly-ranked public high schools in Connecticut towns like Greenwich, Darien, and New Canaan, the Admissions Department has placed a renewed focus on admitting students from across the country and abroad.

“On the one hand, it’s nice that we’ll get a break from all these preppy country club kids, but I’ll miss being one of the only people from Los Angeles.  It was cool to be unique,” Haley Hunt ’19 said.

Students from Fairfield County expressed outrage over hearing the news, knowing they’d have to call home to admonish their younger siblings to forget the legacy factor and apply elsewhere. However, some of these same students also admitted that they, too, are tired of seeing their tennis instructor’s cousin’s friend or father’s golf buddy’s daughter everywhere they go on campus.

*This report is unfounded and accurate admissions information can be found at www.bucknell.edu/admissions.