Facebuck: University students establish social network after Facebook data leaks

Charles Beers, Satire Editor

Following the discovery that approximately 30 million users had their private information stolen by hackers, the University administration has announced that it is severing ties with all of its official accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Google Hangouts, and Myspace. Officials report that a team of computer science students have developed their own social network, which will be implemented as a registered section of myBucknell effective immediately.

The founder of the new site was eager to learn that his team’s hard work would officially become a part of the University network.

“We call it Facebuck,” Mark Buckerburg ’19 said. “It takes the best parts of your favorite social media sites and personalizes them for University students. First-year students will be highly encouraged to make accounts, as it is the most effective way to stay up-to-date on all important events.”

According to the design team, Facebuck will feature a main feed where students can see all of the activities their friends are up to. Each user will have their own profile where they can list their basic information, study habits, Greek organization, preferred late-night Flyson meal, and astrological sign. Once friend groups are established, Facebuck makes it easy to arrange get-togethers and study sessions.

“One of our most impressive new features is a Super Saturday GPS locator,” lead developer Am Azon ’21 said. “With the press of a button, you’ll know which parties are dying down and where the ragers are just beginning.”

Some parents have criticized the purpose of the new website, claiming that there is no accountability now that they are unable to see what their children are posting. Lin Stagram, mother of Austin Stagram ’22, took to Facebook to voice her complaints.

“How am I supposed to let my son know that he needs to call me on Friday if I can’t comment on a random picture of him and his friends from July? #winningatparenting #momslife #BucknellMoms,” Stagram’s mother said.

Only time will tell if Facebuck will compete with the likes of Snapchat and Instagram or fail as yet another unnecessary software change to a system that isn’t really broken.

“I’m fine with it. Just as long as they don’t ask me to change my password every other week,” Stagram said.

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