The University’s men’s basketball team has been on a hot streak recently, with big wins in the past month against strong programs like Colgate, American, Holy Cross, and Lehigh. The consistent wins have propelled the Orange and Blue to first place in the Patriot League and positioned them as front-runners to win another Patriot League title. The team has rallied around Nate Sestina ’19, who averages 16.0 points per game. Not far behind, Kimbal Mackenzie ’19 is averaging 16.1 points per game. These seniors have helped the University become a formidable opponent against any Patriot League program that dares to challenge them and their status as defending champions.

Due to their recent success and inspiration from the Clemson football team’s visit to the White House following their national championship win, University President John Bravman invited the Bison men’s basketball team to dinner at his home this past Sunday night. When the players arrived, they were impressed by the elegant dinner table, draped with white linen, set with silver cutlery, and complemented with fine china. The players, seeing this lavish display, were excited for some pricey cuts of meat and fine dining.

“It looked like a palace,” Hoops McGavin ’20 said. “I couldn’t wait to see what Johnny Bravo had in store for us.”

The players reported feeling lucky to be treated better at their University President’s home than the Clemson football team was in our nation’s capital. The first course arrived, and the players could barely contain their enthusiasm. Once the stainless-steel cover was removed from the plate, the players were dismayed at the sight of Wendy’s french fries and six-piece crispy chicken nuggets.

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” Burt “Big” Mac ’19 said. “You’d think they could have at least gotten us Mercado or something.”

Despite this initial disappointment, the team’s spirits eventually lifted when they remembered they were enjoying a free meal away from the Caf. According to officials, the second course was comprised of Baconators (a personal favorite of Bravman) and dessert consisted of bottomless Vanilla Frostys.

When asked for a comment on the dinner, Bravman defended his decision.

“I was inspired by the White House’s economic strategy to serve fast food at their special events,” Bravman said. “Although I did not serve our players filet mignon and tuna tartar, at least it wasn’t McDonald’s! What lunatic would do that?”