Picture this: you are exiting the Elaine Langone Center, facing downhill. You cannot wait to get out of the cold and into your Prius parked outside of the Zipcar parking lot. You turn left to walk the couple of seemingly non-threatening stairs to get to the invisible crosswalk. As you make your way down the second step, you slip on black ice, hitting your head on the banister before waking up in the hospital to learn you have not only broken your nose, but you have also caused the University to close.

Tripp Smith ’20 does not have to try hard to picture this because it actually happened to him.

“I remember feeling my Bean Boot lose all the traction it promised to have,” Tripp said. “Next thing I knew, I was lying in a hospital bed, unsure of how I ended up there. That’s not the first time that’s happened to me, but we won’t get into that now.”

Since the start of the second semester, there have been a total of 32 trips to the hospital due to the sheets of ice covering University grounds. Amid talks of the victims teaming up to sue the University, classes were put on an indefinite hiatus. Luckily, the dining facilities will be running with modified hours.

Some students have already packed their bags and headed home or elsewhere until further notice is given.

“My friends and I are trying to send it in Punta Cana for a week or two, so I hope this thing lasts long enough for me to get a solid tan,” Tiffany Snow ’19 said.

Others have decided to remain on campus and engage in winter activities. According to University officials, a massive slip-and-slide was created in the parking lot near the Gateways over the weekend. Students sprinted and dove onto the massive sheet of ice, eventually carving out a slide that measured 310 feet.

Some students even went as far as to bring their snow gear to the Grove. Naturally, these brave individuals divided into the classic competing camps of skiers and snowboarders striving to blow snow into the other groups’ tracks.

As of now, there is no telling when classes will start up again, but everybody’s furry friend from Punxsutawney, Pa. is scheduled to give us an indication this weekend.