Tip #22

Everyone goes through a phase where they just can’t seem to fall asleep. Whether you’re worrying about an upcoming exam or trapped in a Netflix series you have to see through to the end, drifting off becomes impossible and you end up passing out in the middle of your morning lecture. According to University professionals, the one sure-fire cure for sleep deprivation is re–watching this year’s Super Bowl while listening to Maroon 5 on loop. Statistically, it was the most boring night of television ever recorded.

Tip #333

To the person who set off the fire alarm in the South Campus Apartments at 6:30 a.m. this past week, please stop. You’re not Ryan Howard.

Tip #4444

To all the people who haven’t set off the fire alarms in their apartments and residence halls, keep doing what you’re doing. You all are the real, microwave popcorn-savvy heroes.

Tip #55555

Take the time to reach out to all of the connections you made at the job fair on Feb. 5. If you had a memorable conversation with a recruiter, make sure to send them a personalized thank-you note to remind them of some of the highlights. If this fails, try approaching them on LinkedIn, then Facebook, then Instagram. And remember, persistence is important, but bribery is key.

Tip #666666

It’s that weird time of the year when the weather turns painfully indecisive. One day it’s a refreshing 50 degrees with bright sunshine and the next it’s raining so much that the snow turns to slush and mud. When preparing your Super outfit, always expect the unexpected. Wear layers of sports jerseys in case the downtown house pipes freeze. Bring your strongest tumbler in case it hails. Have a backup pair of shades even if it’s muggy and overcast. Nothing, especially not nature, stops Super Saturday.

Tip #7777777

“I stopped caring a long time ago.”  – Creed Bratton