Audible sighs of disappointment were heard across the Malesardi Quadrangle and downtown yesterday afternoon as President John Bravman reversed his historic class cancellation scheduled for next Tuesday. Reports from officials in the President’s office revealed that the planned cancellation was actually a hoax orchestrated by a bored hacker on campus.

The hacker, who has not yet been identified, left no indication as to what had occurred until early yesterday morning, when jubilus students putting off weekend assignments received an email titled, “[CAMPUS] IMPORTANT NOTICE – PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY.” Upon further inspection, the email also called off Strategic Planning and the construction of the new management building, revealing the message to be suspicious and not fully believable.

Cold temperatures, which have been a norm until recent 50-degree weather, have dominated campus life and the two-minute walk from Vedder Hall to the Elaine Langone Center. Impossible temperatures have also caused unusual activity on campus; there are confirmed reports that abominable snowmen terrorized students daily on their way to class, and some say Cory Nguyen ’19, the president of the Canadian Student Skier Association, was even seen wearing long pants.

Bravman has stated that he has nothing but thoughts and prayers for the students who have to trudge to class on Tuesday.

“Today we were met with an act which shocked the very moral fabric of this great University,” Bravman said. “Although whoever was responsible for this horrific crime to mislead the public and maintain a sense of hope is cruel, we always used to say back in Stanford that snow builds character.”