As students know from incessant Instagram stories and newsfeed posts, applications to be a 2019 Orientation Assistant have recently closed. Students are excited to prove that they are the best possible candidate to stand up on a caf table and “shake their booty” in their upcoming interviews.

Former Orientation Leaders and Orientation Assistants held dance practice for prospective applicants on March 18. The practice commenced in the basement of Roberts Hall at 6:00 a.m. According to the recruits, the first dance choreographed, unsurprisingly, was the staple of the program: “Jump, Shake Your Booty.”

“‘Jump, Shake Your Booty’ is our favorite dance!” Orientation Leader Chaz Greensteel ’19 said. “We don’t even need music because we all shout so loud that all of Lewisburg can hear! I would say that I’m the best booty-shaker on campus, but then again, I’m biased!”

Greensteel has been in the orientation program since his sophomore year and absolutely loves it. With a twinkle in his eyes, he commented on everything that orientation has to offer for both upperclassmen and first-years alike.

“I live for orientation!” Greensteel said. “I have a calendar in my room counting down the days until orientation and I update it constantly! It’s not every day you get to jump and shake your booty in front of the entire caf!”

As they were practicing, Ashley Spear ’22 jumped up on a pool table and danced to demonstrate her zeal. According to witnesses, she tripped on the eight ball, fell off the table, and broke her leg. We reached out to her for a comment, but she declined. Everyone here in the satire section of The Bucknellian wishes her a speedy recovery.