There was general discontent among students this week after it was discovered that the University Office of Admissions hired actors to throw frisbees during the many Admitted Student Open House tours across campus. The initiative, which involved a whopping 538 students, was discovered when one tour guide took a pause from bragging about our remarkable retention rates and low tuition and laid eyes upon the biggest frisbee-throwing parade the Guinness Book of World Records has ever known.

“The frisbees … they blocked out the sun,” the student assistant to the General Advisor of Admissions Sanda Cadoux said. However, parents seemed unfazed by the performance, having recently taken a tour of Colgate’s 456 spontaneous picnics on their own academic-quad.

One parent, Bill Billingsley, was critical of the paid student-athletes.

“Yeah, I don’t know about the whole frisbee thing,” Billingsley said. “Really ruins the whole je ne sais quoi of this place. That’s about all the University has going for it.”

This year’s Admitted Student Open House activities, which typically involve learning about student organizations and sitting in on a classroom style discussion, also included frisbee pickup. Several prospective students were mildly upset that they were required to do physical labor on Admitted Students Day, with some questioning if the University had gone too far.

“First they make us think by forcing prospective students to engage with student activism, and now this?” an anonymous prospective student said. “Ugh. I don’t even know if frisbee plastic is compostable.”