In response to widespread student outcry for new parking, the University has opened Lot 96 in Selinsgrove, Pa. to help keep the peace between students and the administration. This beautiful new slab of asphalt is located directly behind the Susquehanna Valley Mall. The University was able to purchase the property for only $47, since LensCrafters is the only store that has any pull when it comes to traffic in the area.

Lot 96 is not without its flaws, however. Despite the fact that Selinsgrove is the nearest place to get any sufficient living services, it is still quite a distance from campus. The University has responded by purchasing the railroad behind the Gateways, along with a three-car steam engine to move students to and from the new lot.

We spoke with Parker Glassick ’20, who lives in the South Campus Apartments and has become a frequent user of Lot 96. 

“It’s just so much more convenient to drive to Selinsgrove, take the steam engine back, and walk to class instead of risking a $25 ticket from Buff Valley or Public Safety,” Glassick said. 

The company that the University subcontracted to run these steam-powered people movers is ecstatic to see such a large client. 

“We haven’t seen this amount of business in years! Ever since them automobiles started drivin’ ’round, no one’s ridin’ the rails anymore. I’m glad that students will be able to connect with their forefathers and ride the old-fashioned way,” Eugene Gine, owner of Selinsgrove Steam, said.

The call for additional campus parking is not one that the University is unfamiliar with. During the construction of Academic East last year, professors resorted to parking on the Roberts quad instead of their assigned spots farther away. 

“In history, we’ve seen many instances where oppressed groups fight for what they deserve. Look to Dr. Martin Luther King Junior, for example, who led a boycott of Montgomery city buses,” Professor of History Jay Slinkier said. “In a similar way, we boycotted parking where we were supposed to. We just did not get the intended results.”

Slinkier left the University in 2018 to pursue his second doctorate in “Civil Rights in Parking” at Lehigh University.

Now, however, with the convenience of Lot 96 and the steam engine, the University expects its professors and students to be fully satisfied with parking.