As many students are aware, Saturday is the single best day of the week because of the weekly occurring Super. Yet, in the thick of winter, University students have had to deal with the Saturdays that have fallen victim to snow, rain and below-freezing temperatures.

Due to the cold temperatures and, sometimes, rain and snow, Super attendance can take a beating, especially from the students who hail from California, Florida and Texas. They claim to be “too tired” from Friday night. Lies. 

Thanks to a fantastic marketing strategy, the Bison is now selling its own craft beer, manufactured right on campus. Super attendance and the quality of photos from Super have declined even more, seeing that students can now purchase overpriced beer and hang out with their friends in the warmth and comfort of the Bison. 

“Yeah, I really think this is the new wave,” Brick Ashell ’23, a Mississippi native, said. “I think it’s great that we can now destroy our livers inside, without worrying about frostbite and other health concerns that can come up from being outside in this weather for too long. If you touched the keg, your hand would stick to it like a tongue would stick to a cold pole. That’s a serious safety hazard.”

Other students representing warmer states shared Ashell’s concerns, but students from the northeast were quick to dispute their comments.

“I mean, you choose to come to a school in cold, central Pennsylvania and then the second there’s an opportunity to go inside, everyone makes a run for it,” Jack Rainn ’21 said. “As pledges, we had to do a bunch of things like jump in the river in January, sled on our stomachs without shirts on and pour cold beer on ourselves outside. People need to stop being so soft.”

Everyone declined to comment on the quality or taste of the Bison’s beer, though multiple students applauded the tap feature, which allowed them to feel as though they were at Super, as usual. 

Super hosts are not stoked about this new Bison feature on Saturdays but have come to appreciate it on weekdays during lunch, before and after classes.