Spring break is finally here. Free, free at last! After a treacherous past couple of weeks filled with midterms, papers, projects and tedious Sapling homework assignments, University students are itching for time not spent in Bertrand Library or doing work.

Whether you’re headed north or south, near or far, the food situation is bound to improve drastically, which is something everyone can look forward to.

Your spring break destination actually says a lot about you. For example, people heading west have already told everyone that they’re going to be needing masks to fend off the coronavirus when they’re on the plane and touch down in those crowded airports.

Students who are traveling to Florida tend to talk about their trip non-stop. (Looking at you, Miami. I’ve been hearing about it for six weeks now).

As for the people going home, you are definitely much smarter than the average college student. Staying home means you’re saving money. Very fiscally responsible of you, and I applaud you for making better choices than I do.

“Thanks, I just feel like paying for a round-trip ticket and paying for drinks and food and a room at a hotel and the inevitable liters of aloe I’ll need after I burn just isn’t worth it, you know?” April Spring ’22 said. “I mean, why would I do all that when I can see my dog and not get off the couch for a week? It makes no sense to me.”

Upon hearing about some (jealous) criticism of those who are going somewhere warm for spring break, the travelers defended their choices. 

“I mean, it’s not the same type of trip as the Mexico-goers because I’m going to my grandparents’ house in Florida, but they’re super cool old people,” Mark Break ’21 said. “I’m not paying a cent, and I get to hang out with my family in Florida. I’m not going to be destroying my liver like everyone else. What’s better than playing board games with your grandparents?”

Literally so many things, but let’s not get into that. Wear your sunscreen, drink water, apply aloe vera, preserve some of your brain cells and assess the tan lines you could get before you tan in your trendy suit. Enjoy.