Senioritis: A lesser-known campus pandemic

Bridgette Simpson, Satire Co-Editor

COVID-19 has changed the way the University looks this year; some classes are remote, some are in person, and some are “hybrid,” a mixture of the two. Some people follow the rules, others don’t and some are “hybrid” as well. Gym time is scarce and library cubicles are the holy grail. Morale is low, while blood alcohol content is high.

One thing that has definitely changed is the number of people affected by the deadly senioritis (death to grades, not people). On more than one occasion, students have been observed doing things that suggest they’ve given up on senior year. Of course, this takes place every single year, but this year is especially bad.

“So what if I start drinking at nine in the morning? What’re they going to do, breathalyze me? Tell me I smell like alcohol in my 9 a.m. biology lecture? Absolutely not,” Jack Daniel ’21 said. “Like, how are they going to yell at me for being drunk on Zoom? Deny, deny, deny. I don’t think you understand; my tolerance is better than a first year’s. I’m not about to start turning my camera on for class, what do you think this is? We play pong during class.”

Daniel’s response does raise a lot of questions: how many students are playing pong behind the camera without professors knowing? I’d guess at least one.

Other seniors shared their disdain for remote classes.

“I actually really hate the way my professor’s face is always taking up the full computer screen. Why can’t it be my face? I’d much rather look at my own,” Sara Salfish ’21 said.

“I have yet to attend one of my classes. Why would I wake up to go to class in bed when I can just … keep sleeping? That makes no sense to me,” Will Shleep ’21 said.

Haley Bird ’21 echoed this sentiment. ’“They’re gonna have to offer me shots or something to make me get out of bed to go to my 10 a.m. lecture in person rather than just doing it online. Seriously, why would anyone do that?” Bird said.

“To be completely honest with you, I’m failing three of my four classes on purpose. If I fail, I can’t graduate. Which means I get a fifth year. But I have to pass at least one so my parents don’t get too disappointed in me. I’ll die if I don’t experience another Super before I leave,” Mackenzie Smart ’21 said. 

Hopefully, the cases of coronavirus and senioritis both stay relatively low, although it seems to be that senioritis has already made its way around campus.

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