‘My house, my rules’: parents, students react to two-month winter break

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Graphic by Kyle Putt

Bridgette Simpson, Satire Co-Editor

The slew of obscenities that came from my parents’ mouths when I informed them I’d be home for almost two and a half months was too inappropriate to print here, but, suffice it to say, cannot be overstated. 

This seemed to be a common theme across parent reactions to the prospects of students being stuck home yet again for weeks on end. It may be shocking to hear that people actually do not like their families at all, particularly when they are forced to remain isolated with them for quarantine. 

“I’m surprised there were no attempted homicides in my house over quarantine this past semester,” Will Lock ’23 said. “I’d felt what it was like to be at school and not have parents constantly monitoring me, and then to go straight back to that… I hated it so much.”

Others shared their disdain for their parents’ draconian household rules put into effect over lengthy coronavirus-induced breaks. 

“My parents have this rule where they don’t let me do drugs in the house,” Steve Stone ’22 said. “Like, it’s okay if I leave the house and do drugs, but I can’t do them inside? Like the backyard is okay, but not the actual house? What are they even trying to accomplish here?”

While that’s something of a reasonable rule, it definitely would anger me if I couldn’t do drugs in the kitchen and laundry room, too. I mean, seriously, you’d think I made all this up. 

“My parents are huge nature fans, so they make us all, as a family, for at least 30 minutes every day, sit down and watch an informative nature channel. But this isn’t National Geographic or something actually cool, it’s about stuff like ‘why human reproduction is so unique’ or ‘here’s how these types of birds digestive systems work.’ This is not a good thing, I promise,” Madi Home ’22 said. “They’ve made us do it just about every day since we were kids.”

I have no words. I am so sorry. Maybe introduce them to that show “North America;” it’s really cool, interesting and most definitely a lot less weird and gross than the one you’re stuck with now. 

I hope that all of you reading this feel a little better about your family lives back home now, but even if you don’t, I believe in you. You can do it. And remember, they’re just as miserable as we are (but also don’t forget: they missed you while you were away).

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