Tinder biographies and their writers

Bridgette Simpson, Satire Co-Editor

Of all the things that have changed this year — the virtual classes, the mask-wearing and the lack of motivation at the University in general — perhaps nothing has changed more than the structure of Tinder biographies. 

Hookup culture in college is already hard enough as it is, especially if you’re having a hard time meeting people. Thank God for Tinder, though, because it’s a perfectly socially acceptable way to meet new people and also assess what kind of person they are based on their short biography and the pictures they choose to include. 

Tinder is the butt of a lot of jokes, but in all honesty, some of the Tinder biographies that end up on Instagram or Barstool need to be seen by everyone because they’re so ridiculous.

A new trend that’s become prevalent on Tinder, as well as other dating apps and sites, is including a real-time tracker of whether or not you’ve tested positive for COVID-19. People are including every single piece of information regarding their test results. This is great, except for the fact that some people put pictures of their test results — which include sensitive information. I can’t believe I have to advise you guys not to put personal information on Tinder. 

In other news, people have been adding their favorite quarantine activities to their bios, which makes for some good content. 

Honorable mentions include “Cooking one singular piece of bacon so that the entire house smells like bacon and everyone comes downstairs thinking I’ve made them breakfast when it’s really just a single piece for myself,” “Reading the fine print near the nutrition facts on the side of the Cheez-its box whenever I eat them so I can feel worse about finishing a family-sized box by myself,” “Staring at the wall for a few hours so I don’t have to do work or think about the fact that the world is falling apart” and “I took up birdwatching. Do you know how bored you have to be to get into bird watching as a college-age person?”

Everyone made it through quarantine differently, so I’m not going to judge anyone. But I do want to understand why anyone would include the following in their Tinder bio: “Quarantining with myself was miserable, all he does is eat, sleep, and walk around with no pants on.” Some things I will never understand, such as why he didn’t include the fact that that sounds like a normal day for most people. Who needs pants? The world is going to end, and you want me to put pants on?

If you’re quarantining alone, keep yourself busy and remember Netflix will always be there for you. If you’re quarantining with friends, make sure to buy your own snacks.

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