The great truck debate

Max Bean, Staff Writer

Across this campus, lines have been drawn, flags have been set and differing opinions have been argued, resulting in students being outcasted and discriminated against everywhere for their views. This topic has been hotly argued throughout the weeks and months that we have been on campus. However, it is I, He who Peels Bananas, who will resolve this issue once and for all.

The Grilled Cheese food truck is superior to the Flyson truck. To anyone who disagrees with me, there will be blood via my chosen weapon: balloon swords charged with the power of a mild electric shock. Fear me, for I wield a weapon beyond your mortal imagination.

Now I have made this controversial claim, and I understand that you too will likely raise your balloon sword in anger against me. I shall now explain why I, the Knower of All That is Fluffy and Powerful, am right and why you, who threw a plastic water bottle into the trash can instead of the recycling bin, are wrong.

Starting out, the two trucks offer differing palettes. The Grilled Cheese Truck has grilled cheese and tomato soup rather than the tater tots and fries of the Flyson. I can hear some naysayers speaking of how tater tots covered in tomatoes, cheese and sour cream are superior, but I have only one question to ask those people: have you ever dipped a grilled cheese sandwich into tomato soup? Evidently, their infinite ignorance of this practice begun by Kings and Queens themselves (as seen in the historically accurate “Medieval Times” dinner theatre show productions) has blinded them to the divine gift for humanity. Tater tots have not gotten so much as a peep from food experts. However, dipping grilled cheese in tomato soup has caused no less than a cultural revolution in our society today.

Apart from this, there is also the issue of scarcity and availability. The Flyson is always available during select times during both the day and night of the school week. Meanwhile, the Grilled Cheese food truck is only available on select dates. The latter is a more scarce resource than the former, making it more valuable since more people like grilled cheese than tater tots (a fact so obvious that nobody will doubt it at face value). I have no other evidence for this than the two lines during the day of this multi-truck event, where there were many more people on the grilled cheese line than the Flyson line. The only reason why I can say this confidently is that nobody was in the Flyson line when I ordered my grilled cheese and tomato soup combo.

Let this be a lesson. Anybody who doubts the majesty and flexibility of the power of sandwiches and soups is forever my enemy.

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