A new way to contact trace

Elyssa Penson, Staff Writer

I think that we’re doing contact tracing wrong. Of course, we should tell the University about all the people we’ve been in contact with; however, we should also use contact tracing as a way to cancel the plans of the people who we don’t like. Contact tracing is an all-access pass to wrecking someone’s next two weeks. It would be stupid to throw away that kind of opportunity. It’s like a COVID proverb, “If you’re going to have to quarantine, keep your friends close and your enemies’ friends far away.”

Contact tracing is like a COVID LinkedIn: your network should be extensive and filled with people you’ve stopped talking to. There is nothing more satisfying than reaching out to someone you don’t like and saying, “Hey, I just mobile-ordered some quarantine for you. Isn’t it great we have so many mutual connections?”
The best part of this system is that it will encourage people to be nicer to one another…out of fear of being tossed into a creepy hotel for two weeks. Worst case scenario, everyone turns on each other and it turns into a big slumber party at the COVID hotel. Either way proves that we’re not using contact tracing to its full potential.

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